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TW dizziness over not eating.
Josephine reluctantly acknowledges that she has been neglecting everything and everyone in the past few days.
Regulus plays a part in it, but there is another reason – the need for a respite from the facade. Being alone means she can maintain a blank expression without being bombarded with questions.
It feels like reverting to her old, lonely, and melancholic self, a state she despises. However, she feels trapped, unsure of what else to do.
Waiting for the perfect moment for revenge seems to be the only option. Not engaging with her friends is a self-imposed punishment for being overly trusting.
With a heavy sigh, Josephine rises from the chair in Helena's dorm, where she spends most of her days and nights. Occasionally, she returns to her own dorm to avoid causing too much concern for Dorcas.
Despite her internal struggles, she forces herself to attend class, finding solace in the fact that it is a Charms class. Strangely, those are the only days she doesn't want to spend in bed.
Her relationship with James is progressing, but she still hesitates to fully immerse herself in his company. Sirius and Remus provide enjoyable company in class, and her friendship with Mary is growing stronger.
Leaving Helena's dorm swiftly, Josephine makes her way out of the common room, contemplating the complexities of her emotions.
"Hello, Remus," she greets as she approaches the Charms classroom. He is heading in the same direction.
"Josie," he responds with a small, hesitant smile. Since the incident where he attacked her, he has been somewhat awkward around her. Fortunately, the injury is fully healed, but the prominent scar serves as a constant reminder.
Remus hands her a small piece of paper, muttering, "Order meeting."
"Thank you," she replies, though the words carry a hint of insincerity. Pretending seems to consume too many hours of her day.
As they continue walking to class, her thoughts drift back to Regulus. The potion has oddly made her realize the depth of her feelings for him. She wishes they were still together so she could share her newfound understanding with him.
~~~
Josie impatiently taps her hands on the Order table, desperately wishing it could hasten the meeting's pace. Her head pounds relentlessly.
Dumbledore's monotonous voice seems to intensify her headache, pushing her dangerously close to considering drastic measures—like stabbing him. A startling thought that leaves her momentarily unnerved.
Consciously tightening her mental walls, she forces composure upon herself, stealing a glance at Dorcas, who winks in solidarity. Josephine manages a slight twitch of her lips, pretending to suppress a smile.
Dumbledore's voice cuts through the air, drawing attention to the younger students. "For the young students here," he begins, turning to face a select few. "I do have a task for you."
Josephine absentmindedly picks at her nails, hands concealed beneath the table. James immediately stiffens, as though poised for the impending revelation.
An unwarranted surge of anger bubbles within her.
He has no inkling of what Dumbledore's actions have wrought upon her parents. Even if he did, Josie doubts it would alter his reaction.
Suppressing her frustration, she forces a façade of curiosity, leaning forward to catch Dumbledore's words.
"There are... a few students of interest who may be involved with the dark side," Dumbledore intones, adopting a tone that feels condescending, as if addressing children.
The way he trivializes the matter irks her. It is not a playful game, nor a lighthearted task.
"Be watchful of those students. Some are in Slytherin, others in Ravenclaw. Their parents will be well known for their thoughts on blood supremacy."
The mention of Slytherin draws the attention of many, especially toward Sirius, whose lineage is notorious. Josie and Dorcas, being Ravenclaws, also find themselves under scrutiny.
The unspoken accusations in their peers' gazes further fuel Josie's irritation. Sirius, with his dark family history, and Josie and Dorcas, who are Ravenclaws, find themselves unfairly targeted.
Josephine shoots a defiant glare at one of them before reluctantly nodding to Dumbledore. The idea of keeping an eye on others seems ludicrous; she has her hands full. Between panic attacks induced by thoughts of Regulus and Tom, meetings with Tom, impending class tests, creating spells, and the therapeutic book-throwing sessions in Helena's dorm, her schedule leaves no room for additional responsibilities.
Yet, that is precisely what she desires—a relentless routine that keeps her mind occupied, except for moments when she can easily multitask, letting her thoughts drift to Regulus.
She loves him deeply, but an overwhelming desire for revenge has taken root.
It is, however, a guise, masking the profound affection she holds for him.
Dumbledore's conclusion brings relief, allowing Josephine to swiftly exit his office once they got back to the castle. However, she now faces another daunting task—meeting with Tom, something she has been dreading.
Halfway through the passageway, she pauses, mentally preparing herself to resume the role of the revengeful girl—a character she has become all too familiar with.
Taking a deep breath, Josie pushes forward, hoping Tom won't bring up the necklace, sparing her from fabricating another lie.
Reaching the end of the passageway, she cautiously opens the door, quickly closing it behind her. Making her way to the Shrieking Shack, she finds herself alone inside, Tom nowhere in sight.
Her eyebrows lift in surprise, but she settles onto the sofa to wait. After a few minutes, the creaking door signals Tom's arrival.
"Josephine," he greets, scrutinizing her appearance as he walks over to his seat. "You look terrible."
Josie continues picking at her nails, taking a deep breath but refraining from a reply. Instead, she relays the gathered information and discusses the task Dumbledore has assigned her.
Tom nods slightly, his head tilting. "Are you... alright?"
Josephine finds the concern odd. She must appear truly exhausted for Tom to address it.
"I'm fine," she replies, her voice carrying a blank tone. Tom gives her a penetrating look, as if sensing her lie.
"I'll see you in a few days," Josephine mutters, pushing herself to stand. A slight stumble betrays her, a result of dizziness. When was the last time she ate?
Tom promptly rises, a subtle hint of concern—or something resembling it—visible in his demeanor. She knows he cares about her to some extent, but only as far as he needs things from her. "I'm okay," she tells him.
With that, she leaves the Shrieking Shack as swiftly as possible.
