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Josephine finds herself taking a deep breath as she seeks refuge in the solitude of her dorm's bathroom. The day has already slipped away into dusk.
Has she deliberately avoided Regulus all day?
Yes.
Why does she have to feel so utterly foolish?
Another sigh escapes Josie's lips as she absentmindedly picks at her nails. There is a conversation she needs to have with him, isn't there? To explain that while she does love him, being together is simply not feasible.
The realization feels like a heavy blow to her heart.
She understands it isn't fair—to kiss him and then retreat like a coward, only to justify why they can't pursue a relationship.
But... explaining it to him is complicated.
It's not like she can provide a satisfactory explanation as to why they can't be together. The options seem bleak.
Either succumb to selfish desires, inevitably leading to a disastrous end.
Or remain alone, grappling with loneliness, and facing his inevitable questions about why they can't be together.
Neither option seems promising.
Part of her longs to give in, to indulge in selfishness, knowing it will likely end in heartache, yet perhaps there could be fleeting happiness, however brief.
Another part of her considers severing ties with everyone she cares about to shield them from harm. She even entertains thoughts of discussing strategies with Ara to locate the remaining horcruxes and then... face the inevitable.
Why is she even debating it? The latter option seems the only viable one.
Wouldn't it be morally wrong to give in to selfish desires?
Then why does she crave it so desperately?
Josephine winces as a sharp pain shoots through her finger, the sight of blood welling up drawing her attention. Surely, Regulus will seek her out for a conversation soon.
What does he want?
Recollections of their shared moments flood her mind. His reciprocated kiss, his admission of continued affection—does he love her?
Do his feelings match the intensity of hers? Josephine forces herself to inhale deeply, urging herself to regain composure.
Perhaps selfishness is warranted. After all, the looming threat of death over the summer seems less pressing now, at least hopefully. And the quest for horcruxes appears increasingly futile.
So, she's merely postponing the inevitable, prolonging a relationship destined to be fleeting.
She fights back tears, determined to maintain a facade of normalcy. If Regulus seeks her out today, she will engage him in conversation, albeit without revealing her myriad worries.
