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TW blood.
"I just don't know what to do," Josephine sighs, absentmindedly picking at her nails in her dorm room where Pandora and Dorcas are lounging on her bed.
"He sucks," Dorcas remarks.
Josie can't muster a laugh this time, her gaze fixed on her bleeding nails.
Pandora sits up. "I don't think you should forgive him either," she begins. "But maybe talk with him again. Explain how you're thinking."
Josephine continues to pick at her nails. "I don't really want to explain. I wish he could just understand."
Pandora sighs. "You don't have to explain. But I think he's just as confused as you are about all of this." Pandora hesitates before turning to face Josie directly. "I talked with him when it first happened. He said he didn't want you to feel conflicted about it. He said he wanted you to hate him."
Josie lifts her eyes to meet Pandora's. "I could never hate him. I tried to, but..." She shakes her head. "I always feel conflicted. His plan failed miserably."
Dorcas then speaks. "Do you... love him?"
Josephine looks back down to focus on her nails. "I think I do. I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I smelled him in the amortentia potion."
Both of them raise their brows.
Josie lets out a frustrated sigh and goes back to picking at her nails. "I suppose I should talk with him."
Now she isn't so angry, more so sad, which she hates but prefers over being angry.
"Talk with him now," Dorcas urges.
Her eyes snap up. "No—"
"You won't ever do it," Dorcas replies.
Josephine rolls her eyes and gets up from her bed. "See you later." It is all she says before leaving the dorm.
She isn't actually planning on talking to Regulus right then, but she does want to be away from everyone so maybe she can cry in peace.
Josie cherishes her friends, but doubts linger about whether any of them truly understand her. Perhaps Evan does, and sometimes even Pandora. Not that she has a profound understanding of herself either.
This entire year is a dreadful experience, and she despises every moment of it. The conflicting emotions within her heart and mind add to the torment.
Regulus told Pandora he didn't want her to feel conflicted, yet all his actions only deepen her internal struggle. Josephine is so engrossed in picking at her nails that she fails to notice someone standing in front of her.
"Josephine," a too-familiar voice says.
She looks up swiftly, finding Regulus. Of course. All she wants is a peaceful walk, but it seems she might as well address her feelings with him now.
Merlin, she hates having to articulate her emotions to someone.
"Regulus," she replies. He looks much the same as he did yesterday, perhaps a bit more guarded, but a nervous energy still surrounds him. She can't help feeling profound sadness when looking at him, nor can she deny the love she still harbors.
"Can we talk?" she asks quickly.
He tilts his head slightly but nods. Her throat feels tight, but she swiftly walks to one of the many doors in the hallway and opens it—a medium-sized room that appears empty.
Regulus follows her inside and closes the door behind him.
"Dorcas and Pandora said I should talk with you," Josephine begins. Regulus lets out a slight hum but remains silent.
"You... you hurt me, but for some reason, I really want to forgive you," she starts. Regulus seems ready to defend her, not himself, as if he doesn't want her to forgive him. The look in his eyes conveys his reluctance to be forgiven.
"Some part of me really wants to forgive you. But I can't. Not yet," she shakes her head, uncertain where she's going with this. It feels necessary to explain to him how she's thinking, as if she needs to clarify why she isn't ready to forgive him.
"I don't know if you still like me or not–"
Regulus interrupts her. "I do."
He speaks with such certainty, as if it isn't even a question worth asking.
She resists the urge to look at him. "We can't be together. Not now. I need time. But... maybe we could just go back to how we were. Before we got together." It is her attempt to find a middle ground in her conflicting emotions. "But that doesn't mean I forgive you," Or trust you. She surprises herself with the admission that she isn't sure if she trusts him.
"Whatever you want, Josephine. I understand."
Do you? She wants to ask, and in reality, the answer is yes. He does understand her to some extent.
"I'll... see you later." She steals a glance at him once more before leaving.
~~~
Josephine flicks open the box containing the horcrux. There sits the ring, perfectly in place. She has already checked the diadem, and it is fine too.
Staring blankly at the ring for minutes, she contemplates trying it on despite the curse. Maybe she could see her mother, her father. Perhaps it is wrong, but for some reason, she misses her mother more than her father. Perhaps it is the impending feeling of having to face everything alone.
Josie closes the box quickly before succumbing to a drastic decision. She wipes her blood over the lock once more, hearing a satisfying click as it locks. She needs to get to class.
Letting out a sigh, Josephine gets up and leaves Helena's dorm. Once out, she hurriedly exits the common room, evading any attempt by Dorcas to engage in conversation.
Her first class of the day is Charms, and she hopes that James and the others won't inquire about her situation.
"Josie!" Sirius calls her name from behind.
She stops and waits for him to catch up. It isn't just Sirius; James is with him too.
"Hello," her voice is slightly hesitant, secretly hoping they won't bring up the topic of Regulus.
"Hi," James smiles.
To her relief, they don't ask her anything about him throughout the entire class.
