first impression (a Niall Horan fanfic)

chapter 51

-Hayley's POV-

I leaned against the desktop, taking in my surroundings. This is literally all I had left of Dad. I decided that this room would have to be locked off during rental. If anyone came in here I think I'd literally flip shit.  

I heard the door open behind me. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. I wanted to be alone. Well actually I wanted to punch someone or something but I don't think punching Niall would help anything. 

"What do you want, Niall?" I asked coldly not turning around. 

I heard shuffling across the hardwood floor. "How'd you know it was me?" His accent still got to me, every damn time.  

"Seriously asking me that question?" 

He didn't say anything and I continued to face the wall.  

"Hayley I know you heard." Niall said quietly.  

I turned slowly. "Then would you like to explain it to me." I spat. 

Niall shrugged, "there's nothing to explain."  

What? There was nothing to explain my ass. 

"So you just want me to go off to college then." I could feel my anger increase. 

His blue eyes were cold and dark. icy. Different than they had ever been before. "Management doesn't think this is worth all the..."  

"For Christ's sake, Niall!" I interrupted bamging my fist against the wall. "Don't you dare fucking bring management into this!" 

"Hayley I have millions and millions of people to consider here. I have fans." He yelled, standing now. 

I stood my ground. "Oh believe me I know you have fans. I hear from them daily telling me to kill myself." I snapped back. 

"You agreed to that before we even told anyone!" 

"I know!" I screamed. "don't you think I fucking know that? you know what else I agreed to? I said I'd do everything I possibly could to make you happy and you said you'd do the same for me so explain to me what the fuck this is!" I had no control of my emotions anymore.  

"I'm trying to do what's best for me!" he snapped back at me. 

I stepped back shaking my head. "what's best for you." I repeated. "so in other words, not me. Well next time someone shoots at you, remind me not to get in the way because that's not best for you." 

"oh please that's not what I..." Niall started. 

"No." I interrupted again. "I think you should leave." I pointed to the door. "Not necessarily for good, but just for a little bit. Enough for us to calm down." 

Niall's chest rose and fell quickly as he breathed with anger. His fists were clenched at his side and he bit the inside of his cheek to avoid an outbreak. "Fine."

...

I heard the wheels spin and gravel fly. I knew he was angry, but I was too.  

I held my face in my hands as I sat at Dad's old desk. I spun in the chair, trying to calm my breathing when the cardboard box caught my eye, still not opened.  

My fingers traced the lettering and the sides of rough cardboard. I sucked a deep breath before hooking my fingers around the lid and lifting it to reveal the contents. 

I gasped as I saw many papers and photos.  

I lifted a small trophy with the words "my dad's the best" ingraved into the edge.  

My thoughts raced back to when I was five and this was my gift to Dad. it was the first present I had picked out for him.  

I placed the trophy to the side and took the thick stack of photos into my grasp. Dozens of photos of Dad and I filled the slick paper. I smiled at the memories as tears stung my eyes for the thousandth time. The missing teeth, the awful hair days, the butt naked baby photos, all were there. Even a photo of my graduation.  

I would have to get a scrapbook to put those in.  

I looked at the labels on the huge manila envelopes. They were copies of the will and property ownership documents.  

I looked back in the box to find a folded.piece of paper at the bottom. I unfolded it and found Dad's sloppy handwriting covering the page. I choked back a sob as my vision blurred before me.

Hayley, 

My beautiful Hayley. I know how much you hate the fact that I can't tell you where I work or when I'll be back. And I'm sorry for that. You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you. And since you're reading this now I must tell you that I am aware that I am dead.  

I worked at CIA as a local spy. Sometimes I didn't work as local as I wanted. I will never forgive myself for missing your first tee ball game. I missed your first prom and I know you're probably more than happy about that. 

I want to apologize for leaving you. I don't know why I had to but you know God, he doesn't always like to make things easy for us. And while I'm apologizing I want to apologize for not being able to work things out with your mom. Don't be mad at her. I know you two don't get along and I doubt things have gotten any better. She can be a sweet person, when she's sober. Have patience with her and Logan. I wish I could help you with that because I know how impatient you are. 

Enough of this apologizing. Now I'd like to say thank you. Thank you for helping me through all the turmoil. Thank you for being my daughter and giving me the experience of being a father. I couldn't ask for a better daughter. The parties, the missed curfews, the asshole of a boyfriend, and the crazy fangirl. I loved and enjoyed each and every one of them. I know we fought but look at us. I think we turned out fine. I'd also like to thank you for letting me meet the boys, mostly Liam. Thank you so much. I can't even.. 

You know what I think about every night? I think about the day we brought you home from the hospital, or the look on your face on Christmas morning. Or even us sitting in our spot on the roof, whether we were celebrating or crying, we built memories. And those memories will never be taken away. They are yours.  

Now I want you to do a favor for your old man. I want you to continue to live life, you always did. Even though you were awkward, you had fun. Find love... oh wait you already did that. I know what you're thinking and no the answer is no. Don't give up on him just yet, give Niall a chance. Yes, I know you better than you thought. I knew you wouldn't read this until you needed me. I know you. But anyway I really think you and Niall have something. I saw it every time he looked at you or you at him. Or when you talk to or about each other. That is love. True love. Don't give up just because it's hard, don't be like me. Don't give in.  

Also I want you to take care of Logan. Lord knows he's gonna need it. And as for this house. Sell it. I know you want to smack me even though I'm dead, but really sell it. You don't want to live in this town forever. This town holds nothing for you. Go out see the world, love the people around you, and forgive. please don't ever forget to forgive.

I love you so much. I wish I could give you a hug and kiss your head like I did before and assure that the future was bright. but I guess I'm doing that now. you're never alone, I'm always gonna be here. Me and God are always here. I love you Hayley, more than life. 

-Dad 

P.S. I have a letter in this box for Logan. and Niall. Please give it to them. thank you sweetheart.

my tears stained my face as I reread the letter time and time again. I sobbed loudly, trying to stiffle them with my hand but failed. I knew what had to be done. I owed it to Dad, but that could wait. Because now I just wanted to cry. Cry for hours and that's exactly what I did.