first impression (a Niall Horan fanfic)

Chapter 76

-Niall's POV-

God fucking damn it! I fucking hate America and their damn age limit of twenty-one. I needed alcohol and a lot of it but no. Im still twenty. Fuck. I pulled into a pretty nice hotel and paid for a few nights. It was snowing and icy as shit and there was no point in going home just yet.

I threw my bag at the bed and began tugging at my hair once more. What the fuck was wrong with me? What had i done wrong? Hayley could have just been a good girlfriend and hug me and tell me that she loves me. She never even said that to me.. What the actual fuck? My anger began to rise even more than it was before.

My fist connected with the top of the desk. More than once, but I couldn't feel it. The pain in my heart was more overwhelming than the busted knuckles ever could. This was bullshit. What had i done to drive her away from me? Was that faggot Chris that much better than me? Was he really that smooth?

My mind traveled back to every moment i had shared with Hayley. There were more than I could ever imagine. We always told each other that we saved the other and yet here were are unable to save ourselves and the pain we were causing.

I didnt want to hurt her, god no. But I was so pissed. Who the fuck does that? Surely I made her feel loved. I know I did. There was no mistaking it. Even my neighbors would give me shit about it, especially after her last visit.

I shook away the memory. Is this how it's supposed to be? Pain, betrayal, and all of our trust broken within a few minutes we spent yelling spent each other? I wanted her to come through the door and tell me she was sorry and explain what happened but then I didn't. I didn't want to hear the lies she'd tell me, that's what she'd do. Lie. She did it to my fucking face.

Fucking studying. Bullshit. My throat started to constrict again and my heart pounded in my ears. Fuck this. Fuck all of this shit. I didnt need her, but then I did.

My head began to spin with all this thinking and feelings. Where the fuck was alcohol when you needed it?

-Hayley's POV-

I screamed into my pillow for what seemed like the thousandth time. What the hell was wrong with me? Why didn't I run after him? Why didn't I beg him not to leave and to listen to me? Why didn't I tell him that I loved him and that Chris meant nothing more than a friend to me and he felt the same way towards me? I should be crying, begging him to trust me but instead I was in my fucking dorm, bawling my fucking eyes out.

I am such am idiot. I pulled my knees to my chest as the tears began to fall down my cheeks faster than they and ever fallen before. Gravity must have increased in the last half hour. Everything felt heavy. It was hard to walk and my head was clogged and a struggle to hold up, so instead I lied down on my bed and stared at the blank ceiling. I felt as if my chest would concave into my lungs and crush me. That would probably hurt less than my heart.

I had told myself daily that I did not deserve Niall, I didn't. And I certainly didnt deserve him now. I deserved every ounce of hatred i had ever gotten and will ever receive again. Niall was everything i had ever wanted for years and years and now that I had him.. I had him.. I just let him walk away from me. I didnt even fucking fight for him.

But then again... He left me. He didnt fight for me either. He didnt lock the door and force me to explain myself. Instead he waltzed out of here and ran. Why was i so pissed off at myself? He was the one who show up at my dorm and demanded a reason as to why I won't make it to Dublin. And then he accused me of cheating on him.. Twice.

Ok given that the second time made sense. Chris did show up and it wasn't to study.. We had planned on watching a movie, but I couldn't tell Niall that he would have flipped shit.

He flipped shit anyway.

"You called him Chris." My subconscious reminded me and I hung my head in disgust. I had called him Chris. Why the hell did i do that?

My head hurt. I was constantly going back and forth between me trying to convince myself I was worthy of suicide to that none of it was my fault at all. Maybe it was somewhere in the middle... No. I fucked up... But so did he. What the fuck?

I held my face in my hands. This whole thing was just so fucked up. I needed to find him. I needed to find him now.

I pulled my ugg boots on my feet and grabbed my phone and keys before flying down the hallway. I dialed the number i had memorized my heart and mind. But I was only sent to voice mail after the second ring.

"Niall! I know you're pissed but i need to to answer your fucking phone. We need to talk! Please for the love of god answer me. Talk to me! Please!" I screamed into the receiver before climbing into the freezing cold car of mine.

I just needed to talk to him. We needed to talk about it.

-Niall's POV-

I listened to the voicemail time after time. I couldn't believe the words I was hearing. I need to talk you. Talk to me. Her, her, her. Hayley, Hayley, Hayley thats all i was hearing. No hey im sorry. Or hey I was wrong. Or I love you, just all about her and what she needed.

I knew I should have answered her call but I didn't need this right now. I just... I... I don't even fucking know what the fuck i needed. I ran my hands over my face again. Maybe I'd wake up and realize that this was all a nightmare and we were fine.

I lifted my head when I heard my phone buzzing across the hard wooden desk. Hayley's name flashed across the screen for the hundredth time. I picked it up and stared at the screen. The picture behind her name was a picture my mum had taken of us when we weren't paying attention.

I remember that moment. Almost to pure perfection. Hayley had had too much to drink and was saying everything that came to her mind. When I said something that she took dirty but not at all what I meant. She was laughing at my comment and I, in return, was laughing at her.

We were happy. And the funny thing is this was only about a week ago..

I tossed the phone on the bed behind me, leaving her to talk to my voicemail. I was pissed off and hurt, a combination i was used to but never because of her. Never in my entire life would i have guessed Hayley would be the reson for my pain.

Shows how much I know.

(( so what you think? It's about time the had another fight right?;) haha anyway im really hoping you guys like it. Don't forget to vote and comment and all:) I love hearing your guys' feedback and what you think/ want to happen ! Thank you ily xxx))