Body Language. Queen

I'm Waiting.

Rogers P.O.V.

Everybody gasped at Freddie's burst of anger, I glanced at the chair on the floor and back up at him, he was seething. But there was also pure upset in his eyes.

He swallowed hard and I saw his fists were clenched around the paper that was in front of him.

"I love how you all think my despair is fucking hilarious."
His voice was strained, at one point I thought he was actually going to cry.
"Why don't you understand?! Just because you're all happy with how your lives are you think I should be happy too?! That I have it all?! A house, a record contract, a car, a band, money, fame. You know none of that matters when all you want is to feel like you mean something to somebody. I realised last night that by fucking whoever showed a little bit of interest in me was actually making me unavailable. Making me inaccessible if anyone wanted to come and...get close to me. I didn't fuck that girl last night not only because I didn't want to take advantage of her, but because I realised I was being an absolute fool."

The whole room was silent when Fred paused. He was shaking and struggling to make full sentences. Breathing heavily. He really meant what he was saying.

"I've had it with being unwanted. No more fucking one night stands. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for someone to come along and fall in love with me and that's when I'll feel like truly giving in. I'm not having a joke. You all think I'm some kind of shag machine but that was just to cover up how I was feeling. Now if you're my true friends you'll help me. When we're out, don't let me start talking and flirting with people. I'm waiting. So if I come to the studio all bloody grouchy sometimes you know why. Because I'm not getting fucked."

He threw the completely screwed up paper back onto the table and walked out slamming the door behind him.

My heart had been beating hard, I had never seen Freddie act like that before. To display raw emotion like that and speak so passionately about something. He was telling the truth. He was totally distressed and needed some compassion.

"Well. Let's see how long his new little rule lasts." Brian broke the silence and I shot a scornful look at him.

"Oh for fuck sake Bri. Try being a little bit sympathetic will you?" I got up staring disapprovingly at him and went out to go find Fred.

I heard footsteps behind me and felt a tug on my arm just as I was about to go outside.

It was John.

"Roger. Do you think that was about Brian?" He whispered.

"Of course it bloody was. Brian's acting like a tool, no wonder he's hurting Freddie!" I hissed back before dragging him outside with me.

We got back out into the car park and I expected to see Freddie in his usual place, leaning against a wall having a cigarette...but he wasn't there.

We both looked around. There was no sign of him. John caught my eye and he gave me a worried expression, one to match how I was feeling.

"Fred?!" John called, we paused for a few seconds and awaited a response but heard nothing.

I caught sight of his car, "Check his car."

We both hurried over to his vehicle and peered through the front window. He wasn't there.

I took a few steps back and looked into the back.

I saw Freddie, laid on the back seat of his car, his sunglasses covering his eyes but the light shining through meant I could see his eyes were closed...and a bottle of vodka in his hand.

I tapped on the window quietly, not wanting to startle him.

He jumped slightly and lifted up his sunglasses, he saw me and I saw his watery eyes.

He might not be good with other people's emotions but he was still a rather sensitive man.

John came to join, looking at Freddie through the opposite window.

Fred sat up and popped up the lock, opening the car door for me, he shifted into the middle of the seat where I climbed in, sitting to his left where John got in and sat on his right, we both closed the doors, sandwiching Freddie in the middle of us.

"Sorry darlings. I had to get out of there. Get something to drink, calm myself down." He said in almost a whisper.

"Are you okay?" John asked.

Fred nodded and took a swig from his vodka bottle.
"Of course I am, dear. Just a had a little reality break through that's all." He tried to give us a smile.

"Is it Brian?" I whispered.

I heard him sigh. "Yes. And the fact that I've realised just how much of a shit person I've been."

"Oh Freddie stop, you're not a shit person at all!" I protested.

"Yes I was, Roger. To do all the things that I did isn't nice or attractive at all. That's not me anymore. And it's not just a phase I'm going through either. I'm serious."

"Did something happen between you and Brian before we turned up?" John asked sheepishly.

Freddie scoffed, "I explained to him everything that went on last night and he acted as if I was full of bullshit. Then I asked him where he went last night and he said he couldn't tell me, but he could tell me that he has to keep leaving the studio early for the next couple of weeks. Then I completely fucked up and asked him what was so important, did he have someone on the scene who he had to leave early for to fuck them. And then he asked me why I was so interested in his sex life and relationship status..." he twiddled his thumbs in his lap, his cheeks were burning.

"Shit." I cringed.

"Yeah. Shit." He took another gulp of vodka. "Now he thinks I'm just obsessed with who he has sex with and doesn't realise it's actually because I care. And he did go an a date last night. I know he did."

"He told you?" John quizzed.

"I asked him. But he wouldn't give me a straight answer. He said no, but he hesitated."

Nor me or John knew what to say. 

"Where's Brian?" Freddie asked, finally taking off his sunglasses.

"Inside." Both John and I said.

"Fucking coward." Fred spat.