Body Language. Queen

Lack Of Willpower.

Brian's P.O.V.

I'd been sat at the bar for little over an hour, my head snapping towards the doorway every time I sensed somebody walking in and only being let down when it was somebody other than Freddie.

I really hoped that Roger and John would make him change his mind. I really wanted to have this evening alone with him, I'd been looking forward to this ever since I asked him.

I'd wanted this for a very long time.

But being the stubborn little shit I was, I had to go and ruin everything all over again, didn't I. Everything was going to bloody well. We were getting on like a house on fire and even dropping the odd flirty one liners here and there.

And then he had to go and snoop around my car and find the condoms. 

I shouldn't have snapped at him the way I did. I just got really annoyed at how he was so desperate to find out who I was having sex with. I could have told him a lot nicer than I did. I know that.

But sometimes he acts as if he already owns me and that is so fucking frustrating.

All those years ago when Freddie and Rory first started seeing each other, I was happy for the both of them, I was happily in a relationship with a girl, I never intended to get tied up in Rory's shenanigans.

Back then...I'd also been battling with myself. I knew I was gay. I just didn't want to be.

Rory noticed that I was fighting my inner demons, we were good friends, he was friends with everybody at that time and I thought nothing of it except for a heart to heart conversation...until he admitted to me he'd seen the way I stare at him, at Freddie.
Long story short, he guessed I was into men. I never admitted the truth to him but then again I didn't really have to, considering that he'd lunged forward to kiss me...and I'd started to kiss him back. That was all the answers he needed.

He started coming on to me, touching me. I liked it, but I couldn't get Freddie's face out of my head, Rory was Freddie's and I knew that. And I was okay with that.

I told him to stop, I asked him about Freddie.

"Don't worry about him. He's probably fucking a random guy as we speak. We're nothing serious."

And then that was that. He was naked. I was naked. And I fucked him. He was the first guy that I'd ever hooked up with.

He was the first guy that Freddie ever hooked up with.

I felt disgusted with myself afterwards. Not just because I'd betrayed Fred like that but because I'd done something that I considered to be wrong at the time. But I just couldn't help myself, could I. Because even though I didn't want to, and I was trying my best to commit to being in a relationship with the girl I was with, I just kept going back to Rory. I kept fucking him and I kept liking it. He'd opened up a whole new world to me.

We kept hooking up the whole time Freddie was seeing him, I felt awful and racked with guilt when the two of them were together. I saw how easily Freddie was falling for him and I saw how uninterested Rory was in him.

When it was time for us to leave to go on tour, Fred was distraught, he didn't want to leave Rory, thought he'd never find another, I told him he would, and he'd see Rory again.

Rory said goodbye to Freddie far too easily with such a lack of emotion it made me feel even worse, especially when he seemed to pour all of his emotion out to me, saying he was head over heels for me and that he didn't want to live without me.

I knew better than to believe him. But to have that on my mind whilst I was trying to comfort our frontman was so hard.

That night when Rory showed up at our house not so long ago, he had thought it was my house, that I lived alone there. He didn't realise Freddie would be there too. He was a crafty bastard, immediately portrayed the situation as if he had come to reunite with Freddie.

I really wished Fred had not gone over to his house for that date. I knew he didn't want to go, I knew he was suspicious of how Rory was acting.

So when Fred ran off, Rory called the house, started complaining and shouting that he'd run off.

Originally, I only went over to see what had happened and hoped Fred had returned to Rory's flat so that I could bring him safely home with me. But when he wasn't there, Rory pounced.
I tried to object, I tried to leave. But I'm a man with a lack of willpower and as soon as I felt his flesh upon mine, everything came flooding back and I found myself in his bed. For a few nights. I felt wrong. I didn't particularly enjoy it either. I quickly started to feel used.

The final straw came when I went over for dinner, Rory seemed to be in a sour mood and all he wanted was an angry fuck. He started to say bad things about Fred. How he'd never thought anything of him. How he was a shit lover and far too overprotective. How he was too soppy for his liking and he wanted a real man, not a sissy one who was disgustingly sickly, as he put it.

I told him not to talk about him like that, how I'd prefer somebody overprotective than somebody who didn't give a flying fuck.

He got angrier and confronted me, asking me why I was sticking up for him, what's the matter? Do you like him or something?

"I like him a whole lot more than I like you." Were the last words I spoke to him.

Apparently Rory found some 'work' back overseas after that little tiff and left again, just as quickly as he returned. Good riddance to him.

"Can I get you another drink, sir?" A ridiculously well dressed bar man asked me.

I glanced down at my still full glass of whiskey and shook my head, "No. No thank you." I smiled.

I people watched for a while, the men in here all looking the same, all dressed in black tuxedos, the women all dressed in spectacular gowns. Crystal chandeliers hung low from the ceiling and everything was outlined in gold, from the intricate details on the walls to the chairs and bar. I felt a little out of place, maybe a little too common to be in a place like this but so far no one had battered an eyelid.

I checked my watch multiple times a minute, every glance leaving me less hopeful that Freddie was going to turn up.

I took a gulp of the overly expensive whiskey and awkwardly smoothed out my trousers, fidgeting nervously. I watched as couples linked arms and swanned delicately through the crowds of people, there were lots of guests here tonight but the ambience was somewhat quiet, just a low hustle and bustle about the place.

I smiled to myself every so slightly when my eyes caught on to a lovely couple who appeared to be absolutely in love with each other.

Until I was startled by a voice...

"The fucking Ritz?!"