Body Language. Queen

Such A Riddle.

Roger's P.O.V.

I wasn't asleep but I wanted it to look like I was. I didn't want to talk to anybody or face anyone. I just wanted to be left on my own. I didn't want to plaster on a fake smile or laugh heartlessly at somebodies shit joke. I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

Although that could prove rather venomous. My thoughts were not my best friends right now but also the only things keeping me here.

My thoughts were hissing nasty things at me, making me feel more and more bitter towards John as each second ticked by.

I couldn't describe how I was feeling in any other way apart from hurt. I was so deeply hurt and I just couldn't understand.

Deaky denied our relationship to this butch and good looking guy who he'd obviously had run ins with before. He just completely disregarded me, tossed me out of the window as if I didn't exist. As if we as a couple never existed. Why would he lie to this guy?

I always love telling people that John is my boyfriend, I thrive off saying it and I loved to let people know because I fucking adored every bone in his body...I wanted to show him off.

But it was like he was ashamed to be with me. Embarrassed that I was his boyfriend. Why would he admit that a gangly drummer was with him, when he could lie and hook up with the handsome new guy whom I apparently wasn't allowed to know who he was.

But Freddie was on it for me. I set him the task of sucking up to Deaky to get all the information back to me and then tell me everything he knew. Fred was easy to hire, paid with cocaine, he'd do anything. I knew he was up front sat with Deaks, talking to him, getting the vital information out of him. I just wanted to stay out of it until Freddie came over to me and spilled the beans.

I mean, I knew getting Freddie involved wasn't the best idea, I could already tell that the singer was getting sick and tired of me asking him for help all the time, I knew he wanted me to stand on my own two feet more...but I needed him. He was the only one that I could put 100% of my trust into...I knew he'd get the job done.

I could go up to John myself and ask him what all this drama is about, confront him as to why he denied our relationship to this guy, demand to know just who this guy is. But I just knew it wouldn't work that way. John would cower away and mumble some kind of innocent shit to make it seem like he was the victim. Then I'd have to sympathise with him as if it was me in the wrong. It always happened that way. I was getting absolutely sick of it.

And besides, even if I did attempt to do all of that, there was no guarantee that he would even give me a straight answer, he never does. Everything was such a riddle with him. I was beginning to lose my patience.

My eyes were closed but my ears were well and truly open, concentrating so hard on being able to hear Freddie and John chatting away, wanting to hear a few key words, but I was sat too far away, perhaps for my own good.

I'd tried to convince myself there was a good reason that John said what he did, that the reason was valid and once I was told, I'd understand completely and perhaps even be grateful. But what good reason was there? To be denied as someone's boyfriend? To stop this guy from doing something? But I couldn't think of anything. There was no good reason. I was just trying to kid myself into thinking John was looking out for me in some way...rather he was trying to make himself look as single as possible in front of this guy.

Well maybe I'd turn the tables. Maybe if this guy ever popped up again, I'd pretend to be interested in him. To see how John likes being tossed to the side and forgotten about.

Fat chance of that happening though. We'd left that guy behind hours ago and were firmly on our way to our next city where we were performing tomorrow tonight.