Body Language. Queen

Can You Keep A Secret?

Freddie's P.O.V.

I was well aware I was walking through the hotel wearing nothing but the pair of last nights boxers and cuddling a bundle of clothes I had snatched from the room.

I angrily wiped the single tear from my cheek that had spilled from my eye.

Ignoring all the stares I got as I made my journey to the tour bus, all the disrespectful tuts and the bewildered looks. Even the cringey cat calls and wolf whistles.

To the onlookers it probably created the scenario that I was an unfortunate man whom had just been thrown out of a hotel room in disgust after waking up from a one night stand.

Which...practically was what happened.

But I had made the decision to leave myself.

I banged desperately on the shrapnel that was the bus. It was mid morning, about 9:30 now but considering we only returned just about 3 hours ago it might aswell have been 4am to me.

Jim finally pushed open the bus door for me, I'd quite obviously woken him up and the daylight was dazzling him.
Although, once he saw me, his eyes widened.

"Oh shit. What's happened?" Jim asked tiredly, his voice filled with dread.

I looked up at him as I was still standing on the ground and he was stood up on the bus.

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked, vulnerably.

After Jim had let me on the bus I couldn't even conjure up the energy to get dressed and slouched on one of the beds, twiddling my thumbs and staring at the floor whilst I explained to him what had happened last night.

When I finished, I finally looked up...to see Jim chuckling.

"It's not funny. I've really fucked up." I said, panicked.

"Well let's be honest, Fred. Something like this was always going to happen between you and Brian." He shrugged.

"It didn't want it to happen like this." I sulked, "He's never going to trust me again. He'll never speak to me again." My breathing was through the roof as my rage was bubbling over. "I already regret it. I regret it so much." I croaked.

Now I was able to think about it...I felt even worse about what I had done.

Why the fuck did I think it was a good idea? I needed to turn back time.

"It's easily fixed." He smiled.

I glanced at him, I knew he was hinting at what I had just told him. It was easily fixed...but...then again it wasn't.

I had jeopardised everything. We were really getting on last night and he even let me sleep in his bed...which he soon regretted but it did happen. And he did invite me in.

But I just know he wouldn't be able to look at me in the same way again now. Wouldn't be able to even be near me. He probably thinks I took real advantage of him...

I just had to take it that one step too far, didn't I. I always do. Why do I have to go over the top?! Get one up on everyone?! Seek revenge?!

Now look. I'd probably lost a best friend and lost every single chance of making him mine.

Fuck. He'll probably tell Roger and Deaky and then they'll probably turn their backs on me too.

Great job, Freddie. You've just fucked up big time. Excellent. Fantastic job.

"You've got yourself in this pickle, mate. And from what you've just told me there's an easy way to get out of it. It's your choice." Jim pointed at me.

He was right. I had got myself into this mess and if I found the courage, I could get myself out of it too.

"It's not that simple..." I whispered.

"Of course it is. You just think you're in deeper than you really are. Cup of tea?"

He was right again. It was simple. But I was scared. I'd already messed up, why would I want to mess up even further?

"No thank you...I think I'm going to try and get some more sleep..." I croaked.

My throat stung and I had wrecked my voice from the show last night and then from shouting for the rest of the night. I was hoarse.

"Okay. You look like you could need some more shut eye. You look like shit." He cackled.

I glared at him, "Thank you. I feel like it."

My head was swimming and spinning, pounding. It hurt a lot, I still felt tipsy. And understandably so, it was only a couple of hours since we stopped drinking. My throat hurt and my ears rang so loudly even silence was deafening.

All my limbs ached and since getting to the bus...I now felt violently sick.

I needed to sleep it off, no doubt I would still feel like death when I woke up but hopefully I would no longer be drunk.

"Jim..." I asked, hesitantly.

"Mmm?" He answered as he poured some hot water into his cup.

"If any of the others turn up...please don't let them on. Please." I begged.

Jim struggled to answer, "I can't...really..."

"Please!" I interrupted him.

He must have sensed my urgency and nodded, "Alright." He nodded.

"Thank you." I whispered, lowering my delicately and hurting body down onto the mattress I was already sitting on, I drew closed the little curtain that was the only means of privacy on the bunk beds.

"Oh and, Fred?" Jim called, softly.

"Yeah?" I answered, weakly.

"Think about it. You really can solve this. If you really want to." His wise words rang.

Did I really want to? It seems I really wanted to a few hours ago. Now I wished I really didn't want to. But did I really want to sort it out or did I want to leave him hanging and confused?

Because a part of me really wanted to work things out with him, at least be civil, I didn't want any of this to result in us not even being friends anymore...but there was also a part of me that loved to hurt him. He obviously enjoyed hurting me too so why the fuck shouldn't I do it back? That part of me wanted him to feel the way he was, wanted him to feel so confused because last night, whether he liked it or not, he did tell me that he likes me. And as the night went on, I really did start to believe him. I allowed myself to think that he may actually have a soft spot for me after all.

Only for him to admit to me in his rage that he 'was drunk' and 'didn't mean it'.

And that fucking hurt.

So I hoped this hurt him as much as that hurt me.

So yes there was a side to me that was basking in the thought of him not knowing what happened but there was also a slightly more dominant side to me that still fucking yearned for him and was absolutely petrified of loosing him.

I stared up at the wood that was the bottom of the bunk bed above me.

Tiredness took over, my thoughts extremely exhausting.

It was a blessing to finally drop off to sleep and not have any brain corroding thoughts eating away at my sanity.

((A/N - hey darlings! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a few days. My phone charger broke and my phone died so I couldn't use my phone for this past week! I hope you forgive me :) in my absence it has given me time to think and I've actually already come up with an idea for a sequel to this book 😂 but you'll have to wait a while for that. <3))