Growing up with Caspar as your close living cousin is...amazing.
He looks after you.
He comforts you.
He is there when no one else is.
One thing that's the problem, He treats you like a kid...
Hazel lived close to Caspar all her...
We arrived at Troye's venue for that night and he got all set up. I waited in the green room, scrolling through Instagram to get rid of the empty feeling inside of me. After Troye had done sound check we went out to the fancy dinner which I sat awkwardly at the corner of the table looking like Dan Howell...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
After the dinner we went back to the venue for Troye to perform so I stood in the front row.
The whole show was amazing, Troye made eye contact with me a lot and I have always loved his music so this was a dream come true, to be on tour with Troye and everything. I had been searching for things to distract me from Joe but I couldn't find anything. But really, it has always been right in front of me, Troye. Troye's music makes my mind go blank and I feel like it's just me and him. So I sang loud and I screamed and held my hand up for him, just like any other fan. Because in the end, I am just another fan...In fact...I shouldn't' even be on tour with Troye. He shouldn't be my best friend. He deserves someone who is kind and caring, someone who doesn't have panic attacks. Someone who doesn't freak out about everything. Someone who doesn't cry every day. I know I shouldn't have ran but suddenly there were so many people surrounding me making me claustrophobic and panicky. I quickly pushed through the crowd of people and stood outside. It wasn't a big panic attack but it could easily get bigger if I go back into the ocean of people. I went back into the green room before opening up the YouTube app. I looked into my subscription box, Swan Sister and ThatcherJoeuploaded a video. My heart skipped a beat as I saw the title of the video "Girlfriend tag" I almost immediately regretted clicking on the video as I watched through it. There was one part when he is dared to dance with her so they start to dance around the room. I didn't cry this time, I decided to keep a smile on my face. I copied the link of the video on went onto Twitter "Go check out this cute couple, I'm happy for you even if I can't understand..." I linked the video with a quote from a Demi Lovato song. I tagged Joe and Brit. Yes, it hurts so so much but I have to be the bigger person here, other wise me and Joe will never talk again and that would hurt more than seeing him and Brit together. Me and my heart, we'll make it through....
