Caspar's Cousin (Joe Sugg Fanfiction)

Chapter 79- Letter

A/n: PLEASE LISTEN TO THE SONG ABOVE ON REPEAT TILL CHAPTER ENDS (or once through idk how long it takes you to read this)

Hazel's POV

Conor, Jack, Caspar, Me and Joe were all sat on the couch just chatting away when our apartment buzzer went off. 

"Who's that?" Joe asked. I shrugged my shoulders and got up to see what it was. I went down to greet the man who had a letter and box for me. 

"Here." He grumbled as he shoved them into my hands and walked away. I sighed and shut the door as I went back up. 

"Uhm there's a parcel for Joe and a letter for...me..." Joe took the box out of my hands as I eyed the letter. I knew what it was. The front had a sticker stuck over the top with my name and address. I walked back to the couch and sat back down. Joe was sat next to me looking at the letter in my cold hands. 

"What's that baby." It took me a moment to process his words and I looked up and put on a fake smile. 

"Oh uhm..nothing I'm just uhm..one minute" I kept trying to smile at him and the others who nodded as I walked into one of the bedrooms. 

My shaky hands gently opened the seal of the envelope to the letter. I took a deep breath in before pulling out the flimsy paper. I unfolded it so it returned to it's natural, flat, form. 

Dear Hazel,

If you're reading this I'm sorry. It's not your fault I did this. I have my own problems that I'm not okay with sharing. I was going to die anyway I just decided to make someone else's job easier and die quicker. 

I already had tears in my eyes as I read the first mini paragraph on the page. There were dried up small splashes on the page which I presumed were her tears from when she wrote it. I rubbed my finger over them just to remind myself they were from her...

I remember when we were in primary school and we had a big argument because I wanted to have the pink sticker in the pack I got but you wanted the pink sticker and we started screaming at each other. I remember my mum came running into my room asking us what happened and if we were hurt. I remember looking at her face and I couldn't help but burst into laughter at the way her face scrunched up like a wrinkly ball. After I started laughing you joined in and my mum simply shook her head and left the room with a roll of the eyes.

I smiled at the sweet memories. There were lots of small moments just like that they were short but sweet. So small but simply perfect. 

I may be gone from your sight but I promise you I'm always there. In fact I'm above you right now as you read this. I'm going to haunt your ass so if you start seeing ghostly figures at night it's me but I won't hurt you. I'm just going to hug you and give you the chills and play some pranks on you! Ha ha I'm just kidding Haze. But seriously I'm always here for you. Dead or alive. You may forget me but I'll never forget you..

So I want to know how your life is now. Whenever you get this. If this got lost in the post like how my mum's auntie's letter to her got lost for 7 years before she got it and she complained to the mail service, typical mum. So how many years has it been? Or days if you're lucky? Or even weeks? 

2 years Jess...

So if you're in the future do you have a boyfriend? Or even husband maybe! Geez I can't even imagine you dating someone, Haze. You're always so up tight you really should just let go dude..

Hazel..I really hope I haven't made you too depressed. I don't want you to grieve over me years after my death. I did what I did because I needed to. Promise me you'll start smiling and laughing and trying to make new friends when I'm gone. You mean too much to me for me to think that I could cause you so much pain.

As I end this letter with my last words to you I say.

Thank you for not giving up on me

Thank you for helping me as much as you could but in this case there was nothing you could do, I swear.

But most of all thank you for loving me for who I am...

You're the one that I love but I have to say goodbye and so with my last goodbye I say to you my favourite person ever, not goodbye, but merely a - see you soon.

From your best friend who will always love you my precious Christmas obsessed emo princess XxX

As the letter came to the end I felt myself begin to sob. I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my face with my hands. I wanted to scream. Joe came bursting into the room with the other behind him. 

"Baby...What happened?" He ran over to me and Caspar came to my other side. 

"J-Jessica..The letter" I squeaked out but the words melted into my cries and the boys looked at each other and read the letter. They hugged me tightly before kissing my cheek. 

"Shh baby.. You're with us you're fine. I bet Jess is here right now you know. I bet she's hugging you too.." Joe tried to cheer me up. 

"I miss her.." I cried into the hug. 

"She's in a better place now..." Caspar whispered into the hug. I wanted to scream at them and say it's not fine and that she's not in a better place but I didn't have the energy. I curled into a ball and simply cried...

A/n: Omg I actually cried while writing this lord help me. I hope I made you get the feels.

QOTC: Did you cry at this?

QOTCA: Yes which is weird I never cry at my own writing usually, like literally shed tears and feel sad.

ilysm, stay strong beautifuls XxX