Caspar's Cousin (Joe Sugg Fanfiction)

Chapter 19- Funeral

A/n: OKAY SO I WAS READING THROUGH ALL THE COMMENTS YOU GUYS LEAVE AND YOU ARE ALL TRULY AMAZING PEOPLE AND LIKE A LITERAL TEAR FELL DOWN MY CHEEK <3

LISTEN TO - Love the way you lie (part II) & The only reason - ON REPEAT THE FULL TIME READING THIS BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE THE EXPERIENCE EVEN SADDER BUT BETTER AT THE SAME TIME.

QUICK DISCLAIMER - This chapter is VERY sad because It's a big ol' flashback, these annoy me in books but you need to know what happened!

Flashback 

It's today. I finally get to see her one last time before letting her go. I wore a net like black dress with black stilettos, an infinity hoop necklace, the one Jess got me for my 18th birthday, and small silver heart earrings. (All in the picture above) 

I still haven't cried. I can't. I don't know why, it just won't happen. Instead it feels like there are two clouds constantly hanging above me, everywhere I go. One cloud is dark and gloomy, it wants to rain like how I want to cry but for some reason the sky is in no right mind to let it rain. Then the other cloud look normal, like how I look, normal; But inside the cloud it is only filled with guilt and regret, the outside layer is a disguise like my fake smile. People at school don't really know what happened so instead of moping around I smile and wave, like before, except now I walk alone. 

I adjusted the dress that fit around my curves. I felt my phone buzz in my hand as I viewed the screen. I had set an alarm to tell me when I needed to leave. I told my family I would meet them there so I'm walking. 

I stepped out of my house and sighed as I realised it was dark and gloomy, like the cloud I mentioned earlier. I walked to our local church in complete silence, staring at the ground the whole time. As I approached the church figures in all black started to become clear. I felt someone take my hand in theirs as I walked up to the coffin.

I looked up and saw Caspar smiling sadly at me. I hugged him in some hope of crying, but alas, no. I let go of him and swallowed loudly. I walked up to the lifeless body. The marks were still visible from where she had self harmed herself but the people doing her make up made an attempt to hide them. To other people, you could take one glance at her and see nothing but an 18 year old dead girl who lost her life too early. But to me, she showed early memories, she was like a memory album. I gently picked up a rose from the bottom of her casket. The one I had specifically asked for. Jessica never liked bright colours, so while everyone else had asked for white, red and pink I asked for mine to be painted black. Her favourite colour. I don't mind if people think I'm strange, or that it's not what she would like because she was my best friend, and I knew every single thing about her.

I remember when she got a secret boyfriend and hadn't told me until I found photos on her phone

Flashback Within A Flash back (because I can)

"What the fuck are these?" I asked angrily as I shoved the phone into Jessica's face. Her face fell as she suddenly put down the tub of rainbow flavoured ice cream, her favourite.  "Jess...who is this?" She sighed and took the phone from my grip. 

"It's my....boyfriend, Jonathan" This new information hit my heart right where it hurt. Not only had she lied to me and gone behind my back but I know this new "Jonathan" guy will get in between us. "We've been dating for about a month"

"A month?!" She nodded her head slowly before looking at the floor.  I could tell this guy is gonna hurt her more than it's gonna hurt me to see her hurt...

Flashback Within A Flashback Over

Jonathan did hurt her. She found him making out with one of the sluts in the year below us. She had told me not to tell her parents about them because her dad didn't like boys and always told her they were bad news. I guess it just shows she should have listened. 

I gently lay the black rose on top of her delicate and white hands. As I stepped away from my best friend I heard thunder, just like the movies, it started to rain. Very heavily. Just like that the cloud above me let out the rain and the other cloud drooped down. I suddenly burst into tears, I finally felt slightly better because I didn't feel as guilty. 

Caspar wrapped his arms tightly around me and kissed the top of my head.

"Hazel, you're fine. You're with me. Don't cry..." Caspar whispered into my ear warming up my body since I was wearing a short-sleeved dress and it was chucking it down. I smiled slightly at Caspar.

I looked back at the coffin. They shut the top and lowered it into the ground. The tears came back to haunt me. They fell like rapid fire but I didn't attempt to rid of them. Everyone left me. Well, Caspar wanted to stay but I told him to leave because I needed some "time to myself". 

I wrapped my arms around my sides and tilted my head to the side, staring at the covered ground where the tombstone lay.  Where my best friend lay. My dead best friend. My body was so cold I was shivering and my tears had dried to my cheeks so they were sticky but I didn't care. I was next to my best friend. 

That's all I wanted. That's all I needed.

As kids, you can never imagine your best friend fighting depression and leading to self-harming but the one thing you can't even think about is your best friend losing the fight of depression and leading to suicide...

A/n: OMG 1000 WORDS FINALLY!!! OKAY SO THIS IS STILL SHORT AND SAD I AM VERY SORRY BUT I NEED ONE OR TWO NAMES TO USE AS LUKE'S ????? NOT SAYING. COMMENT YOUR NAME OR A RANDOM NAME AND I'LL PUT IT IN A RANDOM NAME SELECTOR AND THEN TELL YOU THE NAME OR NAMES THAT WERE CHOSEN. 

FOREVER THANKFUL FOR ALL YOUR AMAZING SUPPORT

Do you even know my name?

Do you wanna find out my name if not????

STAY BAD MY BAD ASS BIATCHES