Can't hate you || e.d

Daddy's home

Y/n

I gave up. And don't you dare to think that I gave up really fast. Maybe I did but I was really tired. I had enough of trying to get out of something only to get into something that was even even worse.

I just looked out the window with a clenched jaw and broken soul.

Leaving the city behind me made me think of what made me give up so fast. I wasn't a fighter. That was clear. I wasn't a strong girl either. Maybe I didn't even care if I would die or not. I jus wanted things to stop.

Remember when I said I wouldn't talk about the details because this isn't a sad story? Maybe the details are what's important.

My mother always wanted me to be a role model for other people around us. Everybody should admire her that she's raised a perfect girl like me without a man at home. Our social life was so important for her she couldn't see anything else. Not even me. I was something like a project for her. Just because we had a lot of money meant that we had to be people from the upper class..

She loved showing that. She always wanted me to pull up in fancy cars at school and other places. She made sure I would be wearing designer dresses and behave just like she wanted it. I always felt like a puppet whose strings she was pulling. Everybody knew who we were so I couldn't allow myself any mistakes.. well that didn't work well tonight but anyway..

What people never got to know was what's happening behind closed doors. We were living in a huge beautiful ouse which seemed so comfortable and lovely.. so royal but actually it was jus and empty cold place that never made me feel like home. I tried to be normal like the other kids and tried to blend it but that never worked...

She was always screaming at me. Whenever I've done a mistake.. whenever I forgot to do what she said.. whenever I showed imperfection...

She wanted me to be perfect. She wanted me to look like a Barbie. Talk and move like a lady. A bad mark, a bad word or people talking bad about me was enough for her to raise her hand at me.

Just because she couldn't do these things when she was younger. I've handled so much pain from her over all the years. I've done what she's never done. She put so much pressure on me I always felt like I was going to explode one day. Some days she said things that really broke my heart.. some days she coursed because she had a daughter like me.. some days she was aggressive and my arms turned blue.

I couldn't remember the last time we had a normal conversation since she was always doing her best in dragging me down whenever we were alone although I've tried so hard to do everything that she wanted. I've tried so hard to please her and tiny mistakes were enough for her to hate me. I'm just a human too.

No matter what I've done and how perfect I tried to be it just wasn't enough for her. It was never going to be enough for her because she was a possessed woman with complexes.. I know this may isn't sounding that bad for you but it was the hell for me. Dealing with her alone when she had her freak outs, anxiety attacks, mental breakdowns and other things was really not easy for me because I never knew what to do and I always felt so alone..

When I was younger my dad never used to be at home because of his business trips which took him so log... So we weren't a strong family. We weren't that kind of family which was sitting on a dining table together. It was always me and my mom and even tho we should have a strong bond.. we never had one.

One day we found out that my dad cheated on my mom with a younger woman in Chicago. Apparently he was already dating her already for a while. That explained his spontaneous business trips and other things.. My mom tried to show off how hurt she was but that destroyed herself and me. She was sad, broken and angry. That's when all the anxiety attacks and other things started.. of course she couldn't understand why dad would leave us because of a younger woman. She was asking herself if she wouldn't be pretty enough.. young enough.. good enough.. even tho she never said that, I could see it..