Can't hate you || e.d

Snitches

Sun

It was Monday. Two days passed. I woke up at 3pm, means I didn't go to school. I barely slept in the last night because I was crying all the time and I read the things that Dean wrote for me over and over again.

I didn't want to accept that his strong love turned into something that he didn't want anymore. He needed space. He really thought it would be better if we would take a break. He didn't say it directly but that's what he meant. That's what he wanted. That's what he was going to get and it was killing me.

I told him that I was feeling and how I was dying without him and it didn't even affect him. He only wanted to tell me what he was thinking about our relationship. I never thought that he would think like this about it. I thought of everything but not this. He didn't even want to fix things or talk about it. It seemed like he wasn't even mad about the thing with Mika anymore. It was more like he was tired of our relationship and our bond.. like he really wanted some space.

Someone knocked on my door. I didn't move. I didn't make any noise. I just held onto my blanket and closed my eyes. Then I heard how someone opened the door and walked in.

Each part of me.. every inch of me.. every little chromosome and atom hoped that Dean would walk in. I imagined how he sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I imagined how he buried his face in my neck and told me that he missed me.. but he didn't miss me.

My heart broke into a million pieces. I tried to breathe but it felt like I was drowning. I didn't think that I had any tears left. I needed to get myself together but it was so hard.. I felt so weak.

"Sun.. I just came back home. Moon said that you didn't leave your room yet.."

Moms soft voice was so careful and quiet.. I heard how she slowly walked towards me and when she sat down on the corner of my bed as slowly as she could, I finally opened my eyes and swallowed but my throat was really dry.

"I thought everything would be fine.. between you and Dean. I thought you spent the weekend together but Moon said that you were here all the time."

I closed my eyes again. Hearing his name was so painful..

I wasn't sure if he broke up with me. I wasn't sure what we were or what he wanted us to be but it hurt like ass. I didn't want to think too much because even thinking about.. that he broke up with me.. was strong enough to kill me.

I didn't want to talk to her about it. I didn't want to talk to anybody about it.

I only wanted revenge. I wanted huge revenge. I was going to choke Mika and kill him with my bare hands. I wanted him to remember me while I was sitting on him with my hands around his neck like a monster that he was never going to forget. I wanted him to see me in his nightmares. I wanted him to lose his mind until they would label him as mentally ill. The last thing he was going to see was my angry face and the last thing that he was going to hear was my angry voice that told him how much I hated him and myself.

"You need to get some air. Would you like to go shopping with me? We could spend some time together.. drink something, buy new clothes and maybe watch a movie."

I looked at her without turning my head around. I was really tired and weak but it sounded like something that I needed.

I don't mean the drinks and the clothes. I needed the air.

Dean

I closed the door of my car and walked towards the library with the thick books in my hands and almost bumped into someone.