Can't hate you || e.d

Grayson's son

Y/n

I was mad. Mad at myself. Mad at Ethan. Mad at everything that we've done. Not everything but the most.

Sun didn't talk much. Not even after we arrived. She took and apple and went straight to her room saying she had homework and other stuff to get done. I could feel how distant she was and it hurt like hell although I had my right to be mad because of the tattoos.

If she would've been with someone else we wouldn't have had so many problems and it wouldn't have been be so bad but I couldn't explain it to her. I also couldn't explain her how much it hurt me to see her like this. I knew she was mad at us and she was sad because she really loved him.

It's not like I didn't want her to be happy, spend time with her boyfriend or upset her all the time. It's not like I wanted to see her unhappy and lose her but I just couldn't tell her everything and I just couldn't understand what was so special about him. There was a lot that I couldn't tell her about and a lot that she didn't tell us about.

I didn't want her to see me weak but it really got me weak. I was a mom. We already came to this point and that was not easy. What happened in our past was not easy.. not easy to tell her.

I was afraid of doing something wrong and I didn't want to do something behind Ethan's back but he's always been busy and he was mad whenever we finally got the time to talk.

Sometimes I thought that I was way too young for being a mom back then..

I inhaled deeply to calm down because I was definitely about to cry with these negative thought and I didn't want to because I didn't want the kids to see me like that. I The only person who I wasn't afraid of crying next to was Ethan.

I still had issues and insecurities. I had anxieties especially in situations like these because nothing of what we've been going through was easy or normal and sometimes I turned back into the seventeen years old girl who didn't know how to handle things.

He was always helping me with everything. Cheering and hyping me up. Giving me strength and letting me know how strong I am. Just like a real husband would do it.

As soon as I heard the front door opening und closing, I held my breath and tears in and rushed towards the door. I hoped that it was him because I needed him. Sometimes I just needed to let it out.

It was him and when he saw me he noticed it immediately. That was one thing about him that was never going to change. He was always going to know me the most. He only needed to look into my face to know what was going on.

This time I saw how shocked it got him. He threw his keys onto the table next to him and walked towards me. I did the same and silently bursted out in tears.. He held me so tightly that I wished he would never let me go again. I knew he wasn't going to.

And again.. for the first time in a while..I felt like the seventeen year old girl that he took with him and protected at all costs, no often he got hurt. I couldn't explain it but it made me feel so much more comfortable. I've missed that feeling a lot and whenever he was holding me like that, I felt safe again. It felt like everything would be fine.

I was afraid of changes..

It was fine but he always gave me the feeling that we would come over the small things faster than I could ever expect.

He stroke my head and made me calm down. He knew how to make me feel soft and calm. That was one of the many reasons why I loved him so much. He was the only person who was able to do that. No matter if he was a gang leader or a dad or anything else.. he hasn't changed a bit. Even if he never showed it.. he was still who I fell in love with, nineteen years ago..