Can't hate you || e.d

Silence

Sun

I rushed into my room without greeting anybody. I didn't even know why I was rushing so much. I guessed it was the pressure that this situation put me under.

As soon as I entered my room I froze.. the bunch of roses on the ground that looked like they've been destroyed and the petals that were laying around made me assume that nothing good happened.. I was confused and shocked for a second, especially when I saw the red stains that looked like blood..

I could feel the pain in my chest when I finally realized what happened and it really made me want to cry for a second.

He was back. I knew that very well.. and this.. was scaring me. I started panicking and grabbed my phone with shaking hands.

I could barely imagine how angry he was, what he was thinking, where he was in that moment or what he was doing. He didn't even call or text me. I wished he would've at least warned me but how should he have known?

The anxiety got me and even tho I called him, I didn't even know what to say. So I got on my knees and picked the roses and petals up.. it was definitely blood.. he knew how I loved my roses... I could feel how my heart was aching. I felt awful and I needed to see him because I needed to explain everything.

He was going to be so angry and probably even going to hate me and he had the right to -even if I was mad at him first- because if he would've done the same with a girl, I would've killed her. He was so patient and I was acting so fucking weird that I couldn't even recognize myself. I kept blaming him but was I the girlfriend I should be?

He didn't pick up. It made me crazy. I couldn't just wait until he was going to call me back or not. I was afraid that he was going to do something stupid or dangerous.

Instead of waiting another second I ran back downstairs and straight out of the house over to his place. I didn't care about running the entire road because I fucking deserved it. I deserved running my soul out as fast as I could. I should've listened to him and done something to get my license but I was too busy with other unnecessary stuff.

When I arrived, totally out of breath and drenched in sweat I started knocking on his door. Still trying to catch my breath, I kept knocking because he didn't open. I started knocking harder and hitting against it with both of my hands.

"Fuck.." I said and walked around the house. His car wasn't even there.. he wasn't even home.. but where was he? I thought he could be with Blake so I called him but he said that he dropped him off a while ago.

I was about to die of worry.

I called Dean again and again but he didn't pick up. He was really mad and pissed. I knew he was going to have a serious talk to me in which we were probably going to scream at each other. Things were probably going to escalate because we were going to get things wrong and then after a time we would make it up to each other and everything would be fine.. like always.. right? Everything was going to be fine after this whole mission was over. I was going to end it just as fast as he wanted it. I didn't want him to be mad at me and I knew he already was. That made me feel awful.

Dean

We were done at 4pm and the sunset was a little more colorful as it was in the past two days. Everyone left but I decided to stay. I changed my clothes and took a ball. I didn't want to keep practicing because I was already totally sweaty and exhausted but I needed something in my hand to get distracted. I was going to go home later and take a long shower. All I needed was some sleep and some distance from all these thoughts.