Can't hate you || e.d

Forgive him

☼Dean's Journal☼

After you entered my life, I never touched someone else than you. I could've never done that. That would be against my own rules. That would be senseless and stupid. I know very well that I would burn if I would touch somebody else. Their skin would burn my skin.. only yours is allowed and healing.

After you entered my life, everything changed. Even looking at another girl felt like a mistake. Even thinking about another girl or talking to another girl felt like a mistake. Even if it was a normal look, a normal thought and a normal conversation. It was a mistake. You are the only one I want to talk to. You are the only want I want to look at and think about. You are the only one who doesn't leave my head no matter how much I try it.

You said you were just one of them.. one of the others that don't mean anything to me and I hate myself for making you think and say this. I hate myself for making you feel like that because you're so wrong with that. You're different than them all. With different I really mean different. The color of your skin.. of your hair.. and your eyes.. you're holy and every time I look at you I feel blessed. You're nothing like them. How dare you compare yourself to them? How dare I make you think of that?

There's this thing in your eyes.. that thing that can make even me feel special. I hate this world but you make it seem less worse. You make everything better. You make everything seem so unproblematic. That's why I can't function next to you. That's why it's to difficult for me.

I know I was a jerk just like every other guy.. I did what everybody expected me to do. I acted exactly the way they expected it. I treated you like shit and disappointed you. I broke your heart although I didn't intent to. Now they all are right..

I was never one of these bad boys who changed for a girl and fell in love with her. I've been in love with you my entire life. I was born only to love you..

One day I am going to explain it to you. You can forget that I'm going to leave you alone. You probably don't want to listen but you have to. You are mine and I'm going to get what's mine..

So get one thing into your head. Touching or loving somebody else than you is impossible for me. It's against my rules.

☼☼☼

Y/n

I was watching tv, totally tired and exhausted while Ethan was in the bathroom. I was so soft and comfortable that I felt like sleeping for the next three days.. I couldn't believe how well being alone with him made me feel.. I could finally rest and get as much of him as I wanted.

He walked in and when I looked up at him I noticed that he was shaking... he seemed sick. I sat up, totally worried and confused. He swallowed and it looked like he couldn't breathe so I stood up and helped him to bed... he placed his hand on his chest, right where his heart was. That scared the hell out of me.

"What's wrong?" I asked him almost panicking. For a second I thought he was getting a heart attack but it didn't seem like that. It was more like he was in pain that he could stand.. He tried to take a deep breath but seemed frustrated because he could barely breathe. I gave him a few seconds and handed him a glass of water hoping he could get himself back together until he could at least talk.

"Call Sun.. something is wrong with her.. I need to hear her voice."

Sun