Can't hate you || e.d

Sunshine

Y/n

Around 8pm I rushed back home to take a shower and get some of his clothes because they began with the third session and that meant there was still hope and I was not going to give up.

My hands were shaking but I still managed to get everything done. I prayed so much that nothing else went through my mind. I've always been afraid that something could happen to him and the day came.. I needed to be prepared but I wasn't...

I texted Dean and told him to take Sun with him as soon as they were going to wake up and they already left early. I didn't want Sun to be stressed or think about her dad all the time and destroy herself with that.

I didn't want her to go to the hospital. She needed to rest and be distracted. Dean was the only one who could make that possible. I knew he was going to take care of her very well because I needed to get myself back together..

I hated that I couldn't be there for any of them but I couldn't change it. Ethan was my weakness.

I was done with the world but there was still hope and my family who I needed to take care of. I needed to be there for them. I needed to be strong for them. I couldn't allow myself to have another breakdown around the kids. It would make everything worse...

I was on my way to run up the stairs when I heard mom's voice.

"Y/n.."

I froze immediately. I could feel my blood boil.. My eyes started to burn and I clenched my fists..

What was she still doing here?

I turned around as fast as I could. "How can someone be so cruel? What are you still doing here? FUCK OFF!" I exploded so quickly and so unexpectedly that even she flinched.

I've never said something like this to her, I've never lost my patience towards her.. but I had enough. She couldn't get on my nerves even twenty years later. Especially in moments like these.

She looked shocked and hurt.. I couldn't believe her. I have her a death stare. How could she act like she was hurt? How did she think that she had the right for that?

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? LEAVE!" I screamed. I was breathing way too fast and I was afraid to collapse. I was hurting.. I felt lonely.. so aggressive and mostly hurt.

All I felt when I looked at her was hate and pain because I knew exactly that she was never going to be there for me or love me like a real mother should do it. She was never going to support me or help me through situations like these.. she was never going to care. Knowing that you don't matter to your own mother fucking hurts.

"Y/n.. I'm so sorry.." she said and I could see how wet her eyes were but I felt like throwing up. She apologized.. for the first time in my life I've heard her apologize to anybody.. I was shocked again but I wasn't going to believe her. She would never waste this chance. It was all a game.

I took a step towards her. "You're sorry? For what?" I shouted at her. I swallowed and tried to keep calm but I knew I was going to explode.

"For not leaving me alone? For trying to take my children away or for not fucking off? For trying to turn my life into hell or not being the mother you should be?" I asked speaking faster and faster with every word. I was shaking and so was she but she was sad and I was angry.

"For Everything.. for everything that I've done to you.. for everything that is happening to you.." she said covering her mouth with her shaking hands.. I clenched my jaw and fists even harder..