Can't hate you || e.d

Drugs and Alcohol

Ethan

Josh and I went to our favorite bar so I could think of something else while the others were still working on it and I wasn't sure how much this was going to help me but I agreed coming ere after he asked ten times..

The alcohol didn't stop me from thinking about her.. about the pain in her eyes when I lied.. and the hope when I stopped her to hand her the keys.. I was never going to forget how she looked at me.. even if she believed it for a second.. I broke her heart after everything that happened.. if I would've been her.. I would've killed me.

I was so dumb. Why didn't I tell her something else? Why did I tell her that I cheated? Why couldn't I just tell her the truth or that I had to leave the country for a while and that she couldn't come with me? I had so many choices but because I panicked... I messed up..
I was so pissed and mad at myself.

I never thought I would love and feel this kind of pain. I only thought it would exist in the movies.. I never thought it would be so deep and so strong to make you feel like you're dying. I Neve thought you would really feel it in your chest. I always thought people would be exaggerating but after feeling it by myself.. I couldn't even wish my enemy to feel this kind of pain...

I dient even know what sitting here with Josh would change..

Josh

I watched him and how he was drinking two bottles on his own. Maybe bringing him here wasn't the best decision.
"Bro.. don't you think that-.." he interrupted me and he was already drunk. I was worrying about him.. worrying a lot because I've never seen him like that.
"Ssshhh..." he opened another one but I stopped him because it was obviously getting out of hand.. "Ethan. Enough." I warned him but he just tilted his head and clenched his jaw. His eyes were red and he seemed like he didn't sleep a second in the past three years. He could barely open his eyes.

"I want to die." he said and closed his eyes after he took the bottle away from me again. This wasn't a good idea.. I thought I could distract him but he wasn't even listening. "Come on I'll bring you home." I said and stood up. I grabbed his arm and he didn't even try to free himself.

I was pissed. I couldn't take it anymore. Seeing him like this... was harder than I thought to be honest because I didn't expect him to be in such pain. I thought he would be bale to handle it. I helped him to his car. He was so calm it was weird. I thought he was going to faint or fall asleep on his feet and that made me worry more.

He was just standing in front of his car with the bottle in his car, staring at the dark sky with the bright moon.

Ethan

The moon...
"FUCK YOU!"

Josh

"Ethan..." I wanted to stop him from getting aggressive and emotional but before I could even try he hit the bottle against his car and it broke in a million pieces. He freaked out again and I hoped I could handle it without the boys. Damn he was difficult and I could understand him but he needed to be patient..

"I'LL KILL HIM! HE'S WALKING AROUND WITH MY BABYGIRL?!" he got into his car but I stopped him before he could turn the engine on. "YOU'RE DRUNK! YOU CANT DRIVE!" I screamed leaning into the car from his window.

He made me panic. His behavior made me panic because I was afraid he would do something stupid and ruin everything that we've planned until that moment.
He was breathing really fast. I grabbed his arm but he freed his self. "SHE'S MY BABYGIRL!" he creamed and I needed a second to calm down.
I took a deep breath.

"GET OUT OF YOUR FUCKING CAR NOW!" I screamed at him but he was so stubborn that I was so close to punch him so he would get himself back together.. "I'LL GO AND TELL HER THE TRUTH!" he turned the engine on but then his moves got slower and he closed his eyes slowly.. "Oh my god.." he said and opened the door after I stepped aside.. then he threw up and I just waited.