Can't hate you || e.d

World war III

Sun

Finally. The week das finally over. That meant that they were getting ready for the mission. I didn't even know how I survived that damned week.. it felt more like a month..

My heart was racing when I fixed Dean's collar of his black mission suit that everybody else was wearing as well. I made sure that his bulletproof vest was placed right.. I was nervous for him. He was the only one I thought of.. nothing else mattered... I was scared. This all was a dangerous game and it was his first round.. everything could've happened and he needed to be careful..

He was looking down at me while I was trying to not look into his eyes because I felt Jason's eyes on me. I knew exactly that he was looking at me because he's been staring at me since they arrived and I was sure that it didn't change.

"Be careful.. remember that you have someone waiting for you at home." I said quietly. I knew that their mission was dangerous and I wanted him to know that I was afraid that something would happen to him.

"Don't get hurt.." I added and he gently grabbed my wrists.

Obviously I was fixing his collar for way too long and didn't even realize that it was already perfect. I looked into his eyes and it felt like my heart stopped. I swallowed.

"I won't.. no need to be nervous.." he said, leaning his forehead against mine when I laid my hands on his shoulders while he was still grabbing my wrists.

He closed his eyes and so did I. "I love you so much.." he whispered and I felt the tiny butterflies in my stomach.. hearing him say that.. always made me feel this special type of way that nothing else could make me feel.. I licked my lips and tried to smile.

"I love you too.." I said and my voice cracked. I was sure that he heard how sad and broken I was ,although I tried my best to hide it because I really wanted him to concentrate on the mission.

He kissed my hand and hugged me tightly.

I slowly backed off and smiled at him. He smiled back. I trusted him. I really trusted him and I knew how good he was. He wasn't going to get hurt. He was going to make a good job. He wasn't going to let dad or me down.. other than me. I was determined to be weak and anxious.

I just tried to breathe when I took a few step back so they could have their last talk before they were going to head out.

I watched them with my arms crossed in front of my chest.. until my eyes met Jason's eyes and I froze for a few seconds.. I looked away immediately before anybody could notice it or I could feel like someone punched me with their whole power.

They left after mom talked to dad and I sat down in front of the tv to distract myself with a random show that was on. It didn't take long for my phone to buzz. Only like twenty minutes.

'I was dying to hug you.. can't stop thinking about your lips right now.. if you would only give me a chance...'

I put my phone away immediately and clenched my fists so hard that my palms hurt from the nails I dug into them. I should've gotten these texts from Dean.. not from Jason.

I ran my hand over my face several times, hoping that I would wake up from this nightmare or that I could just lose this mask. I just wanted it to stop.

"Want some warm milk and cookies? You seem really strained and tired these past days." I heard mom's voice and turned around to see that she already had a tray in her hand with cookies and two cups of warm milk.

It was amazing how she always noticed when something was wrong. The best thing about it was that she never really asked about what's going on because she knew that I didn't like to talk about stuff that was bothering me. All she cared about was making me comfortable again. She always found ways to help me and make me feel better.