Can't hate you || e.d

Next try

Ethan

"You know that it's not true." I began and she raised a brow. I still wasn't sure if I was loving her or not. I had feelings for her that was true.. but I couldn't give her any promises.. I was a difficult person and she was already hurt enough.. but I needed more time. Things between us already went so fast in such a short time...

She looked confused.

"You know that I like you." I was really afraid of doing something wrong. Even saying these things got me on the edge...

"Ethan you don't have to say that, please don't do that because of what I've said." she shook her head like she would want t hear anything but not this and leaned back. Then she began to play with the hair tie in her hand. It seemed like that kept her calm.

"I'm not only saying this because I have to. I'm saying this because I really do."

She looked at me.

"Forget about everything that I said to Josh because that's not how I meant it...«
She smiled but it was a painful smile. She still wasn't believing me. She just wanted to close this chapter but I did not.

"Are you saying this now because I helped you with the bank or do you have another reason..?" I sighed. "I don't need a reason to say that. Or wait.."
"You're the most attractive, patient, cute, badass and dirtiest girl I've ever seen but also the most pure, fragile, careful, caring, love-wanting person ever..." I continued and smiled softly.

"I know that you'll get everything you want. You're strong. The strongest girl I've ever seen because every other girl would've ran straight outta that door right there in the second she head about the gang."

I kept going. "You have goals.. real goals.. not like these.. and you don't need anybody to reach them..".

She leaned in. "But there's one thing that I'll never get... one goal that I'll never reach."

Now I was the one who raised a brow in confusion.
"What?" I asked seeing that painful but cute smile on her face again.

"You."

My jaw dropped because I honestly didn't expect it to be me after this all..
"I'll always be too young for you. Even if I turn eighteen..you'll be twenty six.. I'll always be too childish.. and you'll never want something serious with me or love me because you said it by yourself in the restaurant... there's no love for you.. you're egocentric.. mean.. and all the other things you surely still remember."

I pressured my lips. I didn't lie about what I said back then... but I had other plans at that time.. plans that weren't including her..

"You'll never be too young for me. No matter how old I am going to be. and unfortunately thats how I am.. but I know you're so stubborn that you'll deal with me.. no matter what."

She looked down and I could see that tiny smile which made my heart skip a beat...

I grabbed her chin and turned her face around to me. "Look at me babygirl. We don't have to be a couple.. we don't need to love each other or be afraid of our ages. We don't need to name this all. We just can live our life like it is right now and see how it goes."

She looked me into my eyes and I could see how they were sparkling again.. but she was still worrying and doubting.. it was probably going to stay like that because trust issues were complicated as fuck.

"I may be mean to you and break your heart over again and again but you'll always know that I don't mean it like that, whenever I hug you.."

I had to say these things and there was so much more to say because I remembered how scares she was when I was about to jump from the rooftop earlier. That showed me how much she cared and how much I meant to her even tho I've been so bad to her all the time.. and she deserved to be loved.. even if it was going total me a while..