Can't hate you || e.d

Storms

☼Dean's Journal☼

You're afraid of me. I'm scaring you. I'm making you cry. I'm screaming at you. I'm making you sad. I'm making you feel bad and guilty for things that you're not responsible of and I hate it. You thought I would really hurt you. You know what an asshole I am, how inpatient and rude I am but you're still with me. You're staying. Even if I left. You can't stay away from me. But not I showed you my real face and I doubt that you will hold onto me.

But do you know how much I really love you?

I know I've never said it and yes I might hurt you all the time with my words and my actions but at the same time I'm keen on you. I'm crazy for you. I was afraid this would happen and tried to fight against it but you made your way into my heart that I already forgot about..

I'm not screaming at you because you did something wrong or you made me mad... none of this is your fault. I'm the one who can't control his anger or his mixed feelings or the issues... That's my problem. I can't handle it. I can't handle what I'm feeling because this is not me.. none of this is me. I don't fall in love, I'm not nice, I'm not caring or supportive or anything close to that. I'm the worse. I can't even control myself when you're next to me.

I hurt you and break your heart... I'm mean to you and you let it slide.. but you should know that there's no me without you. I can't live without you. I had to realize this in a painful way. Nobody got ever this close to me in such a short time.. I'm only here because you are here.. And I know how strong you are. I know you can make it with me. You can handle me.. Because you.. are crazy for me as well...

☼☼☼

Sun

It was a very silent ride.. I felt his eyes on me the whole time.. not in an uncomfortable way. More like he wanted to check on me as if I was going to die or something. Nothing happened. I didn't know what Dean wanted to do but I was sure that he didn't want to hurt me, no matter what they were thinking or knowing about him. I already knew him.. I felt him and the looks that he gave me.. he would do everything but never hurt me... but I was still angry at him and hurt about his words and because he didn't talk to me earlier. I was sharing everything with him.. trusting him.. why couldn't he trust me?

"Please don't be made at Dean.. he's always been like this.." Blake broke the silence. He still wanted to defend him. He was just as tall as Dean but not as handsome and muscular as him. His hair was brown and his eyes were green... I asked myself what color their mom's eyes were.. He was handsome.. but he looked like all the other boys while Dean had something special. I couldn't spot any tattoos on Blake's arms or neck or any other part that I could see.. he seemed totally normal.. but it was obvious that he was probably a little narcissistic.

"He keeps overthinking and ends up with hurting someone.. or himself." he continued when I didn't say anything. I couldn't say a word. All I wanted was to disappear in my bed. But I also wanted to ask him why he was like this. There had to be a reason because there was always something that turned people into those you they didn't want to be..

"Did he hurt you..?" He asked out of nowhere and I turned around to him so fast that I almost broke my neck. I knew what he assumed.. and for some reason that made my blood boil.

Blake

Her eyes were shining.. because they were still wet. She looked kinda shocked and mad.. her furrowed eyebrows showed the fire insides of her.. "No..! He never hurt me!" she said as if I was not going to believe her. I looked at the road again.. I didn't want to make her mad.. I only wanted to know because I wasn't sure if Dean would ever hurt somebody for real. He already had thousands of fights but I wasn't sure if he would hurt a girl.. especially a girl like her... but I wanted to bekriegt hat he never touched her in that way. I believed that he was a normal human being who would never do that.