Can't hate you || e.d

Why do you hate me so much?

Sun

I was sitting in front of the principal, looking at the ground. Dean was right with every single word.. what happened to me? How could I be so blind, and out of my mind? How could I allow myself to make this mistake? I should've thought about the consequences. I wasn't regretting it. Well maybe a little bit. I wouldn't have regretted it if I would've done it somewhere else, but in the middle of lunch in school probably wasn't the best place.

I've always been so patient and so calm, I couldn't understand what happened to me. It was scaring me. I shouldn't have listened to her. Who was she to annoy me like that? What Harper said wasn't okay either, but I was the one who started and I definitely should've held myself back.. I felt like shit. Just like shit. What she said wasn't even really offending. I still couldn't understand what made her say these things, or what she was trying to reach but I definitely overacted.. I exaggerated.

The principal already called my parents and now he was talking to me before they were going to arrive and tell me how disappointed they were.

"You can be glad, that you didn't hurt her too much and that not too many students were around.", he said. That was right. I was so out of my mind, that I actually thought there were so many people who were filming and stuff, but that wasn't true. Everyone was just shocked and upset. I couldn't believe myself.. I couldn't believe how I embarrassed myself, and Dean, and my family. I almost destroyed my image. I felt so bad. This was my first fight. My first serious fight and I wished it never happened. I should've listened to Chloe and just stopped.

"I.. apologize for what I've done. I wasn't me.. I mean.. I don't know what happened to me.." I tried to explain but, I felt way too guilty to look into his eyes and had no clue how to explain what I meant because I didn't understand it at all.

"Sun, I know you very well. I know you would never do something like this if you wouldn't have to. What did she say that made you fight her? I also know Harper and that you're not the only guilty one." he asked totally serious. I couldn't tell him because it was such an unnecessary reason, I didn't even want to mention it and I didn't want him to think that I fought over something small like this, although I did.

It's not like Dean was unnecessary, but I should've shown that I'm the bigger one and let her talk how she wanted because nothing was going to destroy us. I couldn't explain why it affected me so much.

I didn't answer. I just kept looking down at the floor and heard how someone knocked on the door. The door opened and I heard moms voice.. I slowly stood up. She rushed towards me and hugged me.. "Oh my god my baby are you okay?", she asked hugging and kissing me. She was really worried. I thought she was going to yell at me.

I felt so exhausted and tired.. I only wanted to crawl in a corner, and cry, and then fall asleep..

I slowly nodded.. dad started talking to the principal and I heard how he said "I have to suspend you and Harper for the coming week. I want you to come back as the old Sun.", he said and I nodded again. My cheeks were burning because I felt so embarrassed. I got suspended. For the first time in my life. I was the perfect student.. not anymore.

I didn't feel like talking.. I knew how mad my parents were and I was mad at myself as well. I couldn't even listen to the rest of their conversation anymore. I was thinking about other things.. I couldn't defend myself. I didn't have the right to do that.. there was nothing I could've said. It was stupid. That was all.

I kept looking at the ground when we got out of the office.. when I looked up I saw Dean standing in the hallway, far away.. I wanted to run towards him and hug him, but that was impossible. Especially after the death stare that dad gave me, when our eyes met earlier, so I just waved at Dean and he waved back..