Can't hate you || e.d

A great mom

Y/n

We were sitting in the bedroom waiting for the results.. I was shaking and afraid of getting a heart attack. A million thoughts were going through my head.. he was holding my hand but we weren't looking at each other. I tried to forget about the pain and enjoyed that he was holding my hand... it was all I could hold onto in that moment.

"I didn't.." he broke the silence and I looked into his eyes a little confused. "What?" I asked and he looked into my eyes as well. I was glad that we didn't need to scream at each other.
"I didn't cheat." he answered and I felt my stomach drop again. I didn't think he would talk about it and to be honest I didn't want to because it gave me that kind of pain that was able to kill me.. "I don't think that we-.." I wanted to tell him that it wasn't the right moment to talk about it but he interrupted me.

"Listen. I lied. I had to leave you.. or make you leave me.. because I was afraid that something could happen to you or that I couldn't protect you. But I made everything worse... I threw you right into the fire."

His deep voice was filled with sadness and I tried to understand what he was trying to say. He admitted that he lied.. I was hoping all the time that he lied but it was still hurting so much and so hard to believe him... after I went through hell these past days he needs a better excuse for this.

"Protect me of what? Why did you lie to me? You could've told me everything instead of deciding to break my heart into a million pieced."

I wasn't sure how right it was to tell him that but I did and I couldn't take it back. His grip around my hand tightened and he said "Because of Grayson. There's a lot that I can't tell you yet because even I don't understand it but please believe me when I say I never did anything that could hurt you.."

He looked at me like he was begging me to believe him. Like he was regretting what he's done.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, believe me I'm so sorry because with you tears I killed myself and I've been bleeding these past days. After you entered my life I didn't even look after another woman." he admitted and somehow I liked that..

He was so honest that I knew he meant it all and it made me feel a lot better.. he comforted me. Even if it didn't heal all the wounds and made me forget about what happened I at least knew that he didn't betray me.. and that mattered the most. I was only hurt because he hurt me in that way..

"It's my fault that you got into all this trouble, I made everything worse. I should've kept you home.." he said and I got goosebumps.. the fact that he said home.. he was right. It was my home. It was our home. The place where I belonged to..

"No.. I made everything worse.. I destroyed everything with trying to help you even tho I hated you so much..." my voice was so raw and husky from all the crying and screaming that it was difficult to speak. He looked confused.

"Trying to help me?" he asked and I looked at our hands. "I know what you think. and how wrong this all seems... but I've only been with him just because I wanted to help you. I wanted to find out as much as I could about him.."

No mater how often I told myself I wouldn't, I did it all because of him. I kept thinking go him all the time.. even if I did something out of anger.. it was all for or because of him but I couldn't blame him. He clenched his jaw..

"That's my problem. I didn't want to involve you.. but I did it without being aware of it." I couldn't tell if he was angry, disappointed or just tired.. so I squeezed his hand.

Then he added ".. but I promise you.. I swear to god I never touched any other woman's body."

My heart skipped a beat. He said it like he was afraid I wouldn't believe him.. but I was believing him.. I would always believe him.. no matter how much he would hurt me.