Head canons

The Affair

   "Magazines. Fifty cents each. A shocking truth about the Avengers." The seller shouted through the streets.
   Peter was going to ignore him. He was hungry and still had his suit on under his civvies. At least he'd stopped bleeding.
   "Ironman's secret child. War Machine spills the beans on the affair. What did Black Widow have to do with it?" The man shouted.
   Peter looked at then as he walked by. He was on the front cover holding a Happy Meal. His eyes widened.
   "How much did you say they were?" He asked, pulling his shirt collar up.
   "Only fifty cents." The seller said. "Hey... you look familiar. Do I know you?"
   "No, sir." Peter said, digging in his pockets for the correct change.
   "Thank you. Have a nice day." The man said as Peter stood and looked at the magazine.
   The top heading had a photo of Rhodey. The words said "He left Black Widow for Captain America".
   Peter flipped through until he found the story.

Q. What can you tell me about Ironman?
A. He was married to Black Widow. He got her pregnant, that's why they got married in the first place. They had a kid and... it's Spiderman. The divorce was messy because Ironman was having an affair with Captain America. Captain America started cheating on Ironman with the Winter Soldier, but that's a story for another time.
Q. Why has he just now gone public with Spiderman?
A. Like I said, the divorce was messy. They put the spider kid with an family that couldn't have kids. A bunch of stuff happened and now he's Spiderman.
Q. What is the situation between the three now?
A. The kid doesn't know. He lives outside the compound. The parents are on speaking terms. They both live in the tower, but that's because they don't have anywhere else to go.

   Peter made a weird noise and the quickly looked to see if the man noticed. He was still trying to sell the tabloids. Peter turned his attention to the interview with Natasha.

Q. Was it your choice to give the baby up?
A. Yeah. I couldn't raise a child. It's about time he [Ironman] starts acting like a father.
Q. I heard you beat up a bully for your son. Is it true?
A. It is. I wasn't really to be a mother then, I'm still not, but I can at least look after the kid.
Q. Did you name him? If so, is he still using his given name?
A. I gave him a name until I could find a place for him. They changed his name. I called him Howard as a dig at Tony.
Q. Can you tell me more about the baby?
A. I was alone in the delivery room. 'Mister Stark' didn't even bother to show up for the birth of his son.
Q. What about the divorce?
A. It was $600 million. Our wedding wasn't even that much. It was barely a quarter of a million.

   Peter's eyes widened. From what he knew, Howard was Mister Stark's father. The next page was Steve's voice.

Q. Are you aware that you were the reason Ironman and Black Widow got divorced?
A. Yes. I fell in love with both of them. Black Widow doesn't know, but the baby isn't Tony's. Tony knows, though. The kid is mine. This is the first time I've released this information.
Q. What about the Winter Soldier?
A. We are still together. We only broke up because I thought he was dead. Then he was brainwashed. But that's ancient history. Plus, Black Widow was cheating on me with Hawkeye. His wife doesn't know. Hopefully she won't read this.
Q. How are you getting along with the kid?
A. I dropped a storage container on him. That's how I know he's mine. Tony's a wimp and Black Widow is strong, but not that strong.
Q. How is the working situation?
A. Black Widow and I are close. I haven't talked to Tony in years. The kid is good at fighting.
Q. Did you have a name picked out for him?
A. I called him James.

   Peter was about to read the part where Mister Stark spoke. He knew it was a tabloid, but still. On a side note, Steve was really upset about thinking Bucky died.

Q. Do you know why you're here?
A. What did they break this time?
Q. Can you tell me about the divorce?
A. Divorce? What are you talking about. Pepper and I haven't even been married yet.
Q. What about the baby?
A. No baby yet. I want to be a better father than my father was.
Q. How was Captain America involved in all this?
A. I haven't seen Cap since... Germany.
Q. And Spiderman?
A. Why would he be involved?  He might take part in the wedding I guess.
Q. Who is Pepper?
A. My fiancee. What even is this interview? I have places to be.

   Instead of going home, Peter went to the Tower. The four people he needed to see were sitting on the couch. He threw the magazine down and they all started at him.
   "What is it?" Mister Stark asked.
   "You tell me." Peter said, pointing at the magazine.
   Rhodey, Nat, and Steve started laughing their butts off. Tony looked really confused. A sudden realization hit him and he suddenly turned on the laughing Avengers.
   "That's what that stupid interview was for? What the heck is wrong with you?" Tony demanded. That just made them laugh harder.
   Nat finally caught her breath enough to speak. "Hello, Howard, I've been meaning to talk to you."
   "His name is James." Steve said.
   "How's Barnes?" Nat asked.
   "Good. Hows the affair with Clint?"
   "We cut it off. His wife was close to finding out." Nat said.
   "What are you talking about?" Tony asked.
   "You were being a butt, so when the tabloid wanted an interview, we gave it to them." Natasha said.
   "Stay on our good sides or they'll be getting another issue." Steve said.
   "Rhodes, you too?" Tony asked.
   "Like they said, you were a butt."

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