Head canons

Teacher

     "Can anyone tell me the steps of the experimental method?" Carlos asked his middle schoolers.
     "Observation, hypothesis and prediction, experiment, record data, and drawing conclusions." A boy named Liam said without raising his hand.
     "Good. What about the two groups in an experiment?" Carlos said. "Raise you hand." He added before Liam could shout the answer out again.
     Liam's hand shot up. He waved it around and wiggled in his seat. A girl in the back raised her hand as well.
     "Alex?" Carlos asked.
     "Experimental and Control." She said to her desk.
     "Which one gets the variable?"
     "The experimental group." She answered, still not looking up.
     "Who can tell me the difference between risk and probability?"
     "Risk is the probability of something bad happening. Probability is how likely something is to happen." Liam said, forgetting to raise his hand.
     "What are the four models?" Carlos asked.
     "Physical, graphical, conceptual, and mathematical." Liam said.
     The bell rang and everyone started to pack up.
     "Remember to study for the test tomorrow." Carlos called after his students as they ran out the door.

     Second period was a planning period. Cecil called as usual. A giant fruit fly was terrorizing the town council.

     Third period didn't have a test tomorrow. They'd gotten behind because exactly 25 1/2 chairs fell from the ceiling and blocked the door. After third period, they fell throught the floor. There wasn't a hole in the floor though.
     "The Experimental group gets the variable. If I have two beakers filled with water and put a drop of food coloring in one of them before adding a piece of white cloth to both, which beaker has the variable?" Carlos asked.
     A boy named Greg raised his hand, but didn't wait to be called on to speak. "The one with the cloth."
     "No. Anyone else?" Carlos asked.
     "The one with the water?" A girl named Amelia asked.
     "No. How about we go into the lab and I'll show you which one it is." Carlos said.
     Everyone went into the lab and watched as Carlos filled two beakers with water. He dropped a piece of white fabric into each beaker.
     "They're exactly the same, until..." Carlos added a drop of red food coloring to one of the beakers. "The beaker with the food coloring is the exprimental group because everything was the same until I added the food coloring."
     A girl in the back raised her hand. Carlos called on her and she spoke. "Does that work with other things too, or do they have to be the same?"
     "They have to be the same excpt for the variable. If I had two mice and wanted to see what made them go through the mazes faster, I would put a mouse in the maze and time it. Then, after changing one thing, I would time the mouse again. Scientists use this when determining if certain pet foods are better for you pets."
     "Does it have to be only two things?" A boy asked.
     "No. You can change the variable as many times as you need until you find the proper results." Carlos filled another beaker with water, put in the white fabric, and added blue food coloring instead of red. "See. I have one control and two variables, but I can only change one variable at a time. If I put the cloth in plain blue food coloring instead of diluted blue food coloring, that would change more than one variable, but if I put it into plain red food coloring, then I would only be changing one variable."
     "What's the point of the experiment?" Someone in the middle asked.
     "That depends on prior knowledge and research. With the mice, several people might have said that a certain dog food brand caused their dog to be really lethargic. Scientists would test the normal mouse and see how fast it was. Then, they would give it some of the dog food and see if that changed anything."
     "Isn't that animal abuse?" A girl asked.
     "For some companies, yes. For a company that sells pet products, no. The mice usually don't end up damaged. They even get to retire. I've taken in several mice that have retired. The mice in Night Vale live a lot longer than the mice anywhere else." Carlos said, thinking about the mouse that kept returning to the kitchen.
     "Mr. Palmer, can we research the mice outside of Night Vale?" A boy asked.
     "Hmm. It's technacally environmental science. I'm sure I cound get some mice from some old friends of mine." Carlos said. At this point, the lesson was forgotten.
     "Why do you think the mice here live longer?"
     "I think it has something to do with time. Everywhere else, time works normally. The sun rises at a set time and sets at a set time. In Night Vale, that doesn't happen. It's like the sun has a mind of its own. I've studied time in Night Vale, but I was a variable in my own experiment, being the only thing not native to Night Vale."
     "Do you think we could go on a field trip to the world outside of Night Vale?"
     "No. I wish we could. I'd like to see my parents again. I haven't seem them since the..." Carlos trailed off. In the outside world, he'd never have gotten a teaching job. Then he remembered that Night Vale didn't care and continued answering questions.

     The rest of the day was as uneventful as a day in Night Vale could be. At least the fruit fly hadn't decided to snack on the school.