Head canons

Welcome to Drunk Vale

Cecil: When one gambles, they must be prepared to lose. Lose to a sense of impending doom at how losing will doom you. Hello listeners, and Welcome to Night Vale.

-_music_-

Cecil: I lost a bet to Carlos. Sweet, perfect, beautiful Carlos. I'll play the bet for you now.

Recording Carlos: I bet you can't go a whole day without talking about me or Khoshekh.

Recording Cecil: Well, I bet you can't go a whole day of no science.

Recording Carlos: I need a break anyway. I almost burnt some of my hair off last night.

Recording Cecil: Not you perfect hair.

Recording Carlos: Yeah, we can't let that happen again.

Recording Cecil: If I win, you have to come to the station and let everyone know about the thing.

Recording Carlos: The thing? *pause* Ohhh the thing. That's bound to be found out soon anyway. I'll take that bet. If I win, you have to do a show drunk.

Recording Cecil: I accept.

Cecil: At that point, we shook hands and settled in to watch TV. I lost. I have a bottle of Night Vale's finest... actually, this isn't from Night Vale. Carlos gave it to me. It says...

Carlos: Cecil... you have to follow through.

Cecil: Yes, I know. *takes a drink* Today, the glow cloud. All Hail the Glow Cloud. Decided to leave a dead animal on every porch in Night Vale. *takes another drink* Yessterday, Intern Marrrcus was killed by a... thing. A something or another. *takes a drink* IIIII bet it was SSSteve Carrrllllsburrrrg.

Carlos: Intern Marcus was killed by...

Cecil: THE APACHE TRACKER!

Carlos: No, it was...

Cecil: Eeeeveryone from Desert Bluffs.

Carlos: No, the Glow Cloud dropped a large animal on him. It broke his neck. To the friends and loved ones of Intern Marcus, he will be missed.

Cecil: Sssteve Carrrlsburrrg is the worst. He tells lies to... Jan... everyone! *takes a drink* He is a liar and his scones aren't even that good.

Carlos: That's enough Cecil.

Cecil: Don't get me staaaarted to the Appppache Traaaacker. *takes a drink* He isn't *mumbling* Native *more mumbling*

Carlos: Cecil, that's enough alcohol.

Cecil:*takes a drink* Desert Bluffs is *mumbling*. I wanna *mumbling* Kevin and... and... waser face. That girl. I don't... *takes a drink* waser name.

Carlos: Cecil, give me the bottle.

Cecil:*takes a drink* Carlos is so perfect. I love him so much. I wanna... ma *mumbling*. Whas tha thing I hafta... I gotta... somethin'. *takes a drink* oh Carlos. Beautiful, perrrrfect, won... wonder... somethin... boyf... Carlos.

Carlos: Cecil, give me the bottle.

Cecil: I luuuv Carlos... *starts to cry* he's... he's jus so... so puuurfect. Tha... tha thing is... *mumbling*. Caaaaaaarloooooooos. I luuuuuv Caaaaarlllllooooos.

Carlos: I got the bottle. You need a nap now Cecil.

Cecil: Caaaarrrlllooos is... evry... everything... beutifl... purrrrrft.... haaaaaair.... teeeeeeeth. Mil... mila grav...  gravest... sone... science... Caaaarrllloooos liiiikes sciii... scie... scince...

Carlos: This was a bad idea.

Cecil: M-m-maaaaaaaaary.... Caaaaarloooos. He... purfct.... Caaaaarloooos... *mumbling*

Carlos: Now would be a good time to go to the Weather.

-_music_-

Carlos: Welcome back. Cecil passed out and fell out of his chair. He will be okay. He tried to drink a whole bottle of wine. He'll be hungover in the morning, but otherwise okay. How about a word from our... his sponsors.

-_McDonalds talk about bees in the shower_-

Carlos: We still have air time, so I guess I'll share the thing. We have decided to add a lab in our house. The house we bought together. We are moving in together. *pause* Cecil and I are moving in together, his notes had that listed last. We decided to do this because real estate in Night Vale has skyrocketed. Cecil will see you next time, good night, Cecil's listeners, good night.

Cecil:*faintly* Caaaaaaaaaaarloooooooooos