Head canons

Petty (TUA)

200 words. taken from umbrellagaycademy on Insta

~earlier~
Five: You idiots would understand time travel if it slapped you in the head.

Klaus: I just asked why you didn't just take the briefcase.

Five: They track them.

Diego: Who tracks the briefcases? What do the briefcases even do?

Five: If you were just a little bit smarter, you could go far in life. Dolores, is there any coffee in the kitchen?

Dolores:

~still earlier~
Five:*looks away from his coffee to talk with Dolores*

Ben:*drops salt into Five's coffee*

Five:*sees him do it*

~now~
Five:*makes a face*

Allison: Five, why are you making that face? Is the coffee really that bad?

Five: Klaus and Diego put salt in my coffee because I annoyed them.

Allison: Then why are you drinking it?

Five: I'm petty and I refuse to let them win.

~later~
Five: That was the best coffee I've ever had.

Klaus: What?

Diego: Are you sure?

Ben: I told you it wouldn't work.

Five: I mean, the apocalypse had some good coffee, but this was the best.

Diego: Klaus put salt in it? Are you sure?

Klaus: Ben put salt in your coffee, not me.

Ben: If it wasn't for you...

Klaus: Shh.