Caroline is organizing an auction to raise money for the school, and this auction will have many people that are seniors to go on stage and have someone give money to go on dates with them.
Important Note: This events happen in season 4. Klaus neve...
I decided to go to the cemetery today after school because it's been awhile since I've been there...
I first went to Jeremy's grave, it said "Brother and Friend", I got on my knees and let some flowers on his grave. A part of me still can't believe that Jeremy is gone.
"Hey, Jer! I'm sorry I haven't visit you much lately..." I said with a small smile. "I still can't believe you are really... gone. Part of me thinks that you are only out and soon you'll come back and give me a big hug... But deep down I know that won't happen... I tried to find a way to get you back but in all the spells, it was required to have your body and that's not longer a possibility since Elena burn you along with your house..." I said, feeling a few tears running through my cheeks. "But I can't be mad at her... She lost you, the only family she had left... And it was too hard to keep living in a place surrounded by memories of people who were dead..." I quickly clear my tears with my hands and looked again at his grave. "How am I suppose to move on? How am I suppose to know what to do next? We were dating and then you were gone... It's not like we had a fight and broke up... It was all so sudden..." I sighed. "Lately, I've been spending time with Kol and the Mikaelson... They aren't as bad as they used to... And then there's Kol... He makes me laugh and smile like I haven't done since you... passed... But should I do something about it? Would you get upset at me? It's been long enough time or... would I just ruin the memory of you and of our relationship? Or this thing with Kol is just some kind of attraction that will end up by being just a hook up to get over you... I don't know..." I said, sadly, because I just wish things would be normal for me once in awhile, that I wouldn't had to go through so much pain and hurt. "I wish you could give me a sign so I would know what to do or how you feel about all this..." as I said that, I felt a breeze. "Thank you, Jer."
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I got up and walked over to my Grams grave, that it said "Beloved mother, grandmother and friend", I got on my knees and let a few flowers on her grave too.
"Hey, Grams! Sorry I haven't come here as often as I used to. Things have been so messy and complicated. You have no idea how much I miss you... I miss our talks, your advices, how you helped me improve my magic, how you calm me down and reasoned with me... and just being with you... I still need you. I know my dad tries his best but he doesn't understand this life... Then I also had to deal with what happened to Jeremy and I couldn't let myself get weak because Elena was so heartbroken that she turn it off... thankfully now she's better... I think Elijah is big part of that. Grams, I'm gonna be honest... I think I might feel something for Kol Mikaelson but I'm still not sure what it is... I mean, how can I be sure it's not just me feeling needy because of how many people I lost... Besides he is a vampire... Us together isn't like against everything witches belief... but then again I'm friends with vampires so... why it's so wrong? It's not like they choose to be vampires, they just weren't ready to die... Kol has been very sweet and understanding, he even says that he is willingly to wait for me to be ready but... how can I let him wait if I'm not even sure if I'll end up with him. Once I found out about my magic and the supernatural world, I knew things wouldn't be easy but I didn't expect them to be so hard and complicated. I'm the only witch in this town and most of the time I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing... but I have people counting on me... How were you able to handle this? How were you able to be the town witch and be so reasonable, caring, brave and smart? How did all this didn't make you go mad?" I asked, then added sadly. "I'm sorry if I'm letting you down. I'm trying my best to do the right thing but now that I know the Mikaelsons better, they, the ones who were the bad guys, seem to be good... I no longer know what to think... I wish you could be here to give me one of your advices or maybe just to tell me that everything will be fine... I miss you so much."
I walked out of the cemetery and bump into someone, making me look up with my eyes watery and see who it was.
"Darling, What happened? Are you okay?" Kol asked.
"Yeah... I'm fine." I lied.
"Bonnie, you can talk with me."
"There's no need for that." I said avoiding eye contact.
"Can I at least take you home?" He asked.
"You don't..."
"Please. Let me at least take you home just so I'll be sure you'll be safe. I won't make you invite me inside." He said and I slightly nodded.
He took me home and once we were in front of the door, I open it, stepping inside and saw Kol giving me a nod and about to leave but I grabbed his wrist, making him turn to see me again.
"Can you give me a hug?" I asked quietly and he quickly wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly as I broke into tears.
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"It's okay, darling... Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered.
"I don't know if I can keep faking that everything's okay, Kol... My Grams is dead, Jeremy is dead, my mom abandoned me just because she turned into a vampire... How am I suppose to deal with this and also control my magic and know what's the right thing and what's the wrong...? I can't ever be like my Grams. She was so smart and level-headed. While I'm just faking to be that."
"Bonnie Bennett, I know you're going through a lot, and that you have suffered more lost and pain that you deserved, in fact you didn't deserve any of it... Unfortunately, these things happen even to the best people with the purest hearts... But one thing I know is that you are incredibly smart, caring, selfless and kind. It's completely normal you won't be always calm or in reason... you're only human, not even immortals are like that. For example, Elijah is known for his patience and morals and all that but he had many moments that he completely lost it. Bonnie, you can't put so much pressure on yourself and you can't be the one who's always carrying others, sometimes you need to let someone carry you... You don't deserve to have that weight on your shoulders." Kol said and I hugged him tightly.
"Kol, you should find another girl." I said as I broke the hug, making him look at me confused. "You deserve someone with less issues and who's way less complicated and lost..."
"We both know that I'm the one who doesn't deserve you... You are too kind and selfless. While I'm a bit of a psychopath..." he said. "Besides, how could I ever get over you? That's just not possible."
"But..."
"I know that you aren't sure what this is or what could be and how you feel about it. And I respect that... But don't ask me to get over you... I could never do that." Kol said and gave me a peck on the forehead.
"Can we let this conversation stay between us? I don't want anyone to get worried about me. If they knew... Caroline would make me watch all those sad movies, Rebekah would make me go shopping and do some makeover, Stefan would make me talk about it and cry, Damon would try to make me drink until I was over it and Elena would make me eat all the food she could make and buy to comfort me."
"I always had this gut telling me we would have a secret just of our own... Although I always thought it would be a dirty secret but I guess I can keep this secret too." He said.
