Avengers and Harry Potter
[Book one.]
"The greater a child's terror, and the earlier it is experienced, the harder it becomes to develop a strong and healthy sense of self."
~Nathaniel Branden
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It was surrounding her, pulling her in with such a tight hold and riddling her body with pain. Nothing she tried to shake the darkness off of her, no matter how hard she tried to fight it, it had too much of a hold over her.
There was a certain beauty to it though. The way it wanted her so bad, nothing in her life had fought so hard for her as this darkness. Nothing could connect with her as much as this darkness could.
"Nothing gold can ever stay"
She remembered reading that poem when she was younger, Bucky had given her a book of them from Robert Frost.
"Nothing gold can ever stay"
What a beautiful line twisted in darkness. It was the only way she could vividly describe what it felt like to be trapped in her mind at night.
Nothing gold, not even a perfect day, could last when she had to go to sleep and face her worst fears.
The screaming rang in her ears like little bells, calling from her in every direction. And at points, it was hard for her to make out her own screaming. Of the little girl screaming out for some kind of love, some kinda freedom that was never meant to be hers.
Something, in very dark moments when she was in Azkaban, she often thought that maybe her parents should have never saved her in the first place. Because then she would have never had to feel pain, only numbness to the idea. She'd never have to work through what she'd done, because that would just be her life. Thats what was intended of her life anyways, to be a master assassin that could kill with no remorse.
Her eyes snapped up to the velvet cloth curtain over her four poster bed. No, no she couldn't sleep tonight.
It was that pesky little demon in her head, trying to lure her back into its trap. It sounded so sweet and intoxicating at times, that Elli forgot just who she was now. Who she have been fighting so hard to be, a good person. Someone who was capable of things like compaction, remorse, and love.
Thats who she wanted to be, thats who she needed to be.
Her hands whipped under her eyes, trying to remove all presents of sleep from her body because she didn't need sleep. Well, when she looked over at the clock and read it was two am, meaning she only had gotten at max three hours of sleep, maybe she should try it again. But her mind needed a break from all that.
Elli threw her sheets off, pressing her feet to the cold ground. She sat there for a second, just trying to ground herself in something normal.
She thought that the fireplace downstairs would do nice though, give her some form of comfort, to feel connected to something. Fire was the only thing in life that could not hurt her, that only showered her in its warmth and gave her life.
