Avengers and Harry Potter
[Book one.]
"The greater a child's terror, and the earlier it is experienced, the harder it becomes to develop a strong and healthy sense of self."
~Nathaniel Branden
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Elli admitting things was not an easy thing for her to do. She hated it, she hated for anyone to see her in a state where she was vulnerable. Because if she was vulnerable, she could be attacked.
It happened to her time and time again. She would get comfortable, too comfortable, and then wars would happen, people would die, and her family would be ripped away from her.
Everything would have been just fine if no one went nosing around her business. She could handle it, she could handle what was going on around her as long as the center of attention wasn't flashed onto her.
George was just worried, she knew that. She knew that his intentions were pure and his heart was in the right space. But admitting the things to him that she had... that freaked her out.
Elli had to switch her tactics, how she presented herself to people. Once again. Everything was about how you looked, how you acted, the way your body moved. Body language could give everything away if you even flinched a little bit.
At least now she knew why they were all so keen on being near her this past week. They knew her secret, George tried to even get her to admit it. She'd rather admit to the fact that she felt like she could kill again, than to admit that every night since she had gotten out of Azkaban, she had been trying to kill herself.
It was never meant to get this far, it was only meant to be a one time thing, and then she could leave this world after all the horrors she had inflicted upon it.
Their faces, the way they surrounded her, the way the guilt just consumed her, it was just too much.
But she had survived after the first time, which in her mind, meant that she had not been able to truly tell them how story she was for what she had done to them. Thats all she wanted to do, to show just how sorry she truly was. But she could never do that, she couldn't just die and stay dead.
Some people's choice of poison was drugs or alcohol, but Elli couldn't even do that. She couldn't even get a high to try and escape her own mind. There was only one high Elli could get, and she refused to go that far.
They just had to keep taking things from her.
Her attitude shifted towards her friends in the next weeks, putting on the best act of her life. No, she didn't try and put on a smile this time or pretend to be her usual self. No, she let them in just a bit to allow them to think she was open and willing for help. But she wasn't because they couldn't help her, they couldn't even figure out the first step in helping her.
Pretending was the best way to get through it.
"Make it a powerful memory," Harry told the DA group. He walked around, helping students as he went. "Make it the happiest memory you have. Allow it to fill you up. Keep trying Seamus" Harry encouraged the boy "George, your turn now."
