Calm Down Tiger

28: I am Okay P' Khrab

Toptap's POV

I am too depressed to go to the university but I woke up this morning with a loud honking sound and my phone and alarm clock were both ringing. It looks like Ai'Cap did his best to set my alarm yesterday and put my phone to the highest volume. So I don't have any choice this morning but to wake up, fix myself, and go downstairs only to see P'White's luxury car outside our yard and Ai'Cap waving his hand.

And now, here I am, sitting at the back seat with Ai'Cap on the passenger seat and P'White on the driver's seat. "Humm—I want dumplings again for breakfast but Ai'Toptap likes noodles. Should we go to a ramen shop?" he isn't asking me, instead he is asking P'White.

Even though I am depressed, I am still happy for Ai'Cap. He finally found someone he can express his feelings very well. "Okay—I think there's one near the university na khrab. It's still early so we can drop by and take out the ramen na khrab and bring it in school so we can buy your favorite steamed dumplings," I don't think they realized that I am breathing and existing right now.

I shake my head and slouch on the seat, "By the way na khrab, last night—ahm P'Gun talked to me—" I close my eyes and just listen to them, "He said that P'Donghae knew about—everything na khrab~" Ai'Cap is nervous but he is holding it in very well surprisingly, "P'Donghae? Your P'Hyuk's boyfriend?" and P'White was uncertain. "Chai P', well ahm—P' actually—P'Gun told me last night that P'Donghae and him will support us na khrab so—do you have time after Songkran?"

'My friend—you are so easy to read~'

"Yeah, sure Cap I have time na khrab," although I am 80% sure that P'White is nervous, he still faced this very well. I hope Gunsmile is the same with P'. "Let's talk to P'Hyuk. Let's tell him about us na khrab. P'Gun will be there so I will be less nervous—and you are also there—you won't let me go—right?" I smile a bit. Since when did Ai'Cap become this vocal?

This is the only time I realized that hearing other couple is fun especially at the start of their relationship. Gunsmile and I were the same before when we were just starting and now I wish we can go back to that time where the only thing matters was what food should we eat every lunch and not about our fucking feelings for each other.

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The three of us are sitting here in our college cafeteria because Ai'Cap is obsess with the rice porridge and steamed dumplings here. I have my Shio Ramen in front of me but somehow I don't have enough appetite to finish this off. Every day, Gunsmile will drop by my college and bring me a bowl of Shio Ramen. That's the reason why Ai'Cap knew about my favorite food. But right now, this ramen, it only reminds me of Gunsmile.

"Ai', are you okay? Don't you like your food?" P'White suddenly asked me. We aren't really that close so it's very awkward for me that he is worrying about me right now. I smile at him, "I am okay P' khrab. Thank you for worrying about me," my voice came out low and soft. Like I don't want to speak anymore. Ai'Cap who's sitting beside me touches my arm, "Ai', you don't need to say you're okay when you are not na khrab. You know, when I was young—P'Hyuk always tells me and P'Gun that you will only know if a person is hurting or not when you ask them if they are okay, khrab." I forced a smile because I making Ai'Cap worry.

Ai'Cap has his own fair share of problems and I don't want him to think about my problems too. "I will be okay Ai'Cap. I am stronger than what I look, right?" I hate being so fragile in front of those people who sees me as a strong person. So instead of thinking about my losing appetite, I grab my chopsticks and start eating my ramen. I didn't say a word—instead I show them that I can eat. I heard a loud sigh before Ai'Cap starts to eat as well.