Calm Down Tiger

79: Face Your Fears

Toptap's POV

It has been 30 minutes that I am waiting here outside my college building and the scorching hot weather isn't a joke especially if you live in a tropical country like Thailand. Well, what am I doing outside? I am waiting for my childhood friend who promised me to be here at 3pm but it has been 30 minutes. I keep on tapping my feet on the ground while looking at my wrist watch again and again as if my friend will arrive anytime soon.

I feel a vibration in my pocket and thank Buddah for seeing my friend's name on screen. I didn't think twice and answer the call, "P'Tay na kharb! Where are you?" I am the demanding type of friend actually especially to P'Tay because first he is older than me. Second, he is my childhood friend as I mentions a while ago. And third, because he is like my first crush before—but that was way way back already.

I heard some heavy breathing on the other line, "Sorry na khrab na Ai'Toptap, I am near already~" and he sounds tired. Maybe Thailand summer isn't working well on him too, "Why are you late na khrab anyway?" I asked him still not minding the people coming in and out of my college building. "Ahm—I am—okay na khrab—I lost track in time na Ai'—but let me explain first na khrab—" he really knows me well, I was so close in cutting him, "I took a quick nap after lunch because it was still early na khrab but I forgot to set my alarm so when I woke up—I was running late already—but don't worry na Ai'Toptap—I will treat you na khrab~" very him.

I can't help but shake my head and laugh at his craziness, "Hurry up then P'—I don't have all the time in the world," I finally let him off the hook and on the other line, I heard a handful of laughter, "Woie! Thank you na khrab! Promise—I will be there soon~" and the line got cut off without the two of us saying goodbye to each other because we don't say goodbye. I shake my head and laugh at myself while putting my phone back to my back pocket, "Crazy P'," I mumbled at myself.

People will say that I easily moved on to my recent break up but I am not. I actually haven't fully moved on but the thing is—I am learning to love myself more now because that was what I forgot before. I love and gave everything to Ai'Gunsmile that I forgot to love back myself too. So I followed Ai'Cap's advice to go out and meet up my friends. I will also go on a vacation next week while Ai'Cap and the rest of the band will go to Korea. I promised them that I will follow after a week because right now, what I need—is some fresh air to breathe.

I waited more while looking at the shoes when I heard some familiar voices, "I told you na Ai' that we need that report na khrab! Where did you left it again?" but I didn't dare to raise my head. "I think, around the area of the library na khrab—I don't know!" I sigh because I know this will happen sooner or later but I wasn't sure before if I can look at them.

I mastered up my courage before raising my head and flashing my one I a million smile, "We have to—" and I saw how Ai'Sing's eyes grew larger and larger as soon as he spotted me a few meters away from them, "Why?" and Ai'Gunsmile asked him when he stopped so suddenly in the middle of his sentence and in the middle of the sidewalk, "Ahm—Ai'—maybe it's not here na khrab—let's go to the other building na khrab~" I heard Ai'Sing and I know why he desperately wants to lead my ex-boyfriend to the other path—because he doesn't want us to cross path.

I open my mouth ready to say something or to even greet them even though I wasn't sure what to say or what to do once I have their attentions, "You are acting weird na Ai'Sing! You told me we need to finish our papers na khrab before vacation na khrab!" Since Ai'Gunsmile is giving all his attention to Ai'Sing he wasn't able to see me. Just like before—he never really sees me—not until I disappeared from his so called world. Recalling those things and feeling so pathetic now because of my unending love for him before, I feel bad for myself. Why did I do that? Why did I give everything to him and didn't leave anything for myself? Why didn't I love myself more? and why do I still love him with all the realizations I have right now?