Calm Down Tiger

63: I am Okay-More Than Okay

Toptap's POV

I'm okay—now.

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Flashback

I am more than grateful to Ai'Cooheart for letting me tag in back here in Chiang Mai. All I want was to go somewhere but I wasn't sure where. Ai'Cap looks like he got himself into trouble again so I don't want to be another trouble for him. I don't know where to go so when I told P'Title about my dilemma he suggested of me tagging along, I didn't expect that asking Ai'Cooheart will be easy.

I want to get away—from him because I am still not sure if I can really face him with smile on my face. I just can't trust myself right now. When P'Plan asked me about him, I wasn't sure what to say because I haven't really tell them about our break up. "Title needs to go back home na khrab P', so we will continue hanging out." I smile because Ai'Cooheart didn't even ask me if it's okay that we will hang out together. He has this personality that can make you a bit intimidated—but only a bit.

"Ahh Ai'—thank you for letting me slept at your house na khrab yesterday," I said while we continue walking Doi Suthep. I've been dying to go here and I even ask—you know to go here with me. Never in my wildest dream have I imagined going here with Ai'Cooheart on my process of moving on with my first major heartbreak. Ai'Cooheart instantly roll his eyes on me, "And what? Let you sleep at Title's room? I am not crazy na khrab P'Toptap, I am the only one who can sleep beside my husband na khrab," I want to laugh at Ai's reply, "But I am not—" "Even clothes off and on P'Toptap—no one can sleep beside my boyfriend na khrab!" all I can do is nod because it looks like I won't be able to say something to him.

We continue walking together while some people keep on going in and out of the majestic temple. There are so many shops here too and I want to try drinking the traditional Thai tea here, "Anyway P', it's been a while but I think na khrab—I haven't seen your boyfriend na khrab—what's his name? P'Lansmile? P'Kansmile?" I don't want to say his name but, "Ai'Gunsmile," I don't think Ai'Cooheart will be able to remember his name sooner. He nods quickly, "Chai—P'Gunsmile!" and we take a quick turn to one of the temples alleyway, "Well—actually Ai'—" I sigh before putting my bravest face, "We broke up during Songkran—na khrab," and that makes Ai' stopped walking.

I also stopped and we are actually in a hidden corner of the street because Ai' told me that he knows a shortcut before P'Title called him to say that he needed to go, "P'," he called me out and then he turned around to look at me. For the first time, Ai'Cooheart has the most worried facial expression I've seen from him. He normally has the sweetest smile like he won't do anything bad and then after a while he will have that victory smile—but now—his eyes looks so sad and his face looks so worried, "Why?" he asked me and this time, I am the one smiling at him—faking my smile on him.

I gesture my hand to Ai' so that we can sit in the corner edge of the temple. I look at him and he looks at me, "Ai'Cooheart, how sure are you na khrab about P'Title?" I asked him and he answered right away without asking me why, "There are so many uncertainties in the world P' but Title is the only thing I am proud to say that I am sure of," I was like that too—before, "I was so sure too na khrab Ai'—I thought everything is about him and his whole life is also about me na Ai'. I thought—but I was wrong," I don't want to be emotional—especially not in front of Ai'Cooheart.