Calm Down Tiger

81: I am in Deep Shits

Mark's POV

How to up my game?

I've been so patient with my wife and I want him to figure out what he feels for me on his own but of course that doesn't mean I am not frustrated especially with the people around us that's trying to come in between us. I might be an arrogant bastard who will do everything for Ai'Gun but that doesn't mean I don't feel anything at all.

I felt hurt when Ai'Gun talked to me before and told me to stay away from him. Why? Because this is the first time I fall so deep and I wasn't even sure if my feelings will be reciprocated. When Best and I decided to date each other, we were so young and shallow to think about the prejudice of our relationship. Yes, we got hurt by his parents and we broke up in the end but that kind of hurt is normal for me—but to be hurt alone—and not to get the love back that you want—is the kind of hurt that I cannot endure, so for the past few days during my 'stay-away-from-Ai'Gun-project' I tried my very best not to cross path to him because as much as I love to see him, I don't want to feel the hurt that I've once felt when he told me to leave him alone.

I felt frustrated when Ai'Gun says something then he wasn't sure why he said that. When I asked him if I should date Best again or not, he told me not to. I thought he finally figured it out—his feelings for me—but I was wrong. It turns out that he doesn't want me to start a relationship with someone I didn't love. That's very ironic knowing that the person I love was the one giving me that advice.

I felt happy—over the top actually—every time Ai'Gun appreciated my effort just to be with him, just to help him, just to make him feel better, just simply breathing beside him. I've never been that happy in my entire life when he told me that he is lucky to have me (I remove the friend part in his statement in my brain already) when I treated them after they won the band competition and Ai'Cap was in deep shit with Ai'White. Of course, I wasn't happy about their situation but being there for Ai'Gun when he needed me the most is the most fulfilling thing I did in my entire life.

I felt worried when Ai'Cooheart called me and said that Ai'Gun was sick. I run all the way from my college building to the parking lot in span of 2minutes and drive so fast I thought I will get demerit because of my reckless action—and when I saw him doing well—I thought I can die peacefully already because right now, his safety is my first priority.

People around me are probably judging me. I am using Best—that's correct but I did try to stop him but he was as stubborn as I am. I am using my money—just to give everything to Ai'Gun but it's something that I will not deprive him. I know for a fact too that Ai'Gun isn't even after my money. He probably isn't aware that I have too much money in my bank account.

Ai'Gun isn't just a fascination to me—or a new flavor of the month. Ai'Gun is someone I am ready to throw away my enormous ego and drop everything if he is involve—that is how much I love Ai'Gun. "Ai'August—what should I do?" I asked the closest friend I have here in my classroom and he looks at me, as divine as he is, "You did your best already na Ai'Mark—so—why don't you ask him already what he feels for you?" I can only sigh with his suggestion.

"Did I really do my best na Ai'Friend? I think—I only did what I think is best na khrab," realization hurts you when it hits you in 200 seconds per mile. I bit my inner cheeks, "Why do you even think na khrab that you just did your best and not what's best for Ai'Gun?" now he asked me and this question will definitely tarnish my ego but I really do care about Ai'Gin—so much, "because he never signs up for this Ai'August. From the beginning na khrab—it has been me who forced myself to him without asking him or without considering his feelings na kharb," I sigh so deeply while looking at the empty blackboard and the almost empty classroom.