Calm Down Tiger

95: Do You Think I Deserve Him?

Mark's POV

Never in my wildest imagination have I think of getting mad at Ai'Gun—not until I saw him watching that video.

I've been so patient to him. Showering him with all the love I have and pretending not to mind what other people think of him or what they say about him. I am a very possessive person and even Best is aware on how possessive I can be way back when we were together but I've learned to share Ai'Gun to many people. With his family, his friendship with Ai'Plan, with his band member, and even with their fans. Why? Because I love him so much.

This isn't even me anymore because I always get what I want and also do what I want—but Ai'Gun—changed me.

I love him so much that I thought my head will explode the moment I saw him watching that video yesterday. How can they send it to him? Worst part, Ai'Gun watched it without knowing what it is! He is already a grown up guy and not a 13 year-old kid—how can he say that he didn't know what he was watching? Another thing, if he is that innocent—there the more reason to get mad. I don't want to taint him like that.

Ai'Gun is too special to me. I made myself clear yesterday, if he will tell me to leave again—then I will—for good. No monkey business anymore, no more making him jealous, no more. I will raise my white flag and accept defeat when the time comes.

This morning, when he sits next to Ai'Cap—he was so quiet. He wasn't talking to anyone and he wasn't touching his food. I was so close of running towards him and feed him—but I am too mad. Not towards him but to myself. I shouldn't feel more for him—I shouldn't make this hard for me anymore—but I can't help it. I am into deep, "P'—are you okay?" I forgot that I am with Ai'White today.

We are all watching random movie in Nong Heemi's house and they all dragged me here. Ai'White doesn't take no for an answer, "I am," I said but totally not interested in the movie. I lean my back to the corner of the room while Ai'White watches me, "You are not P'," he concluded. I don't have energy to argue with him.

The people inside the room are all watching carefully while Ai'White and I are talking silently—or maybe they are pretending not to care anymore. I scared Ai'Cooheart and Ai'Fluke yesterday and Ai'Title and Ai'Ohm are totally pissed off to me for making their lovers shiver and nervous. Nong Heemi is fidgeting for some reason and P'Wang Qing is just chilling beside Nong. Ai'Plan and Ai'Mean are all over each other. I hope they realized that we are all in the same room.

"I messaged Cap just now! I was worried not only to Cap but to Ai'Gun too. They are so close to each other so there's no way Cap will not realize that his brother is going thru something. Did you even see Ai'Gun's eyes this morning? He wasn't in his right state of mind," he doesn't need to remind me. I know the damage very well, "He will recover—he always does." I said with hint of bitterness. I know that Ai'Gun can recover with or without me.

Ai'White didn't say anything so I decided to look at the big screen in front of me and just make myself preoccupied, "Cap and I—" he whispered, "We make love last night!" I seriously look quickly to Ai'White. I am not sure what kind of expression I have but definitely not good expression, "Fuck! Do you know what P'Hyuk and Ai'Gun will react on this? They will kill you for touching Ai'Cap! No wonder he was limping this morning!" I said under my breath. I don't know but spending time with Ai'Gun makes me realized how much he loves Ai'Cap and he can kill even Ai'White if Ai' will harm his brother.