Calm Down Tiger

70: It's Really Over

Gunsmile's POV

I failed, and now I am suffering.

Life was not difficult before. I have two good friends and people around me laugh at my lame jokes—especially—Toptap. I am not the most good looking person in our batch but I am really good at fitting in. I am still amazed by now how I ended up with Toptap and Ai'Sing because technically—they were closer before I even became part of their small group.

We hang out, eat together, watch movie, play together—and technically the three of us did everything together without me noticing that I already ruined the friendship that Toptap and Ai'Sing have in the beginning—before I happened.

When Toptap confessed his feelings to be, I must admit—I was scared. Why? Because I don't know if I should feel happy to have Toptap's affection for me or be sad because I didn't expect Toptap to have that kind of feelings for me. So in the end, I didn't say anything to him because I thought that was the best solution before—but I was wrong. Toptap stopped hanging out with us—he didn't just abandon me but also Ai'Sing. I was frustrated. I wasn't able to eat well. I wasn't able to concentrate during my classes. I wasn't able to function well just because Toptap decided that he is better off without me than getting rejection from me.

My good friend that time, P'Na—he is my cousin's boyfriend so we became good friends—anyway, he told me to think about the situation very well and to weight things. In short, he asked me so many things regarding Toptap and our relationship with each other and many possibilities and then I realized how much I want Toptap to stay with me. After my conversation with P'Na I went straight to Toptap's house because I know for a fact that he will not meet me if I ask him out.

In my life, that must be the wisest decision I've made. When I told Toptap that I want him to stay with me forever and not be away from me anymore because I don't think I can make it without him with me—he gave me his biggest, brightest, and sweetest smile and after that we started dating. And now, I robbed that smile off him.

To be honest, those two years I've been with Toptap was the most unforgettable moment of my life. I cried, I laugh, I got mad, I did many things I thought I won't be able to do. I was so nervous that I thought I would faint when I begged Toptap's parents for our relationship approval. His mother was okay that time—maybe a bit okay but his father was so scary whenever I remember that time. But I made it because Toptap assures me all the time that we will make it and he will always be there for me.

So why did I end up with nothing? How did I end up broken? And why did I fail—as a boyfriend, and for ensuring my relationship with Toptap.