Calm Down Tiger

32: Ai'Gunsmile

Toptap's POV

Would you call me selfish if I will say that I didn't meet up with Ai'Sing or even Gunsmile even though both of them messaged me already? I wasn't being hard to get but I am learning how to give something back to myself. I've given almost everything to Gunsmile and you know hanging out with P'White and Ai'Cap—seeing their relationship—I realized that it isn't enough to give everything to your partner. Both of you should learn how to give to each other. Me being depressed over my failed relationship is getting better now.

"I haven't seen Ai'Gunsmile these days," my Mae khrab asked me this morning before I ran off with Ai'Cap for Songkran. I smiled at her before saying, "You might not see him for a while na Mae," but I didn't tell her the reason why. My Mae wasn't unsupportive about my relationship with Gunsmile unlike my Pa. But still, even though I am having a big fight with Gunsmile, I don't want my parents to look bad at him.

'The fuck Toptap, you need to stop caring about him na khrab!'

I want to get mad at myself for loving him so much.

I saw Ai'Cap and P'White outside my house again and it has been three days that they've been fetching me here in my house. The only difference, P'White didn't bring his expensive car because during Songkran, it's better to walk or ride motorcycle than being stuck by the traffic because of people outside the street. "Good morning na khrab~" I wai at both of them and they did the same, "Morning~" they said in union.

They've been together for only few days but they are getting in sync as time goes by. "Do you guys want to eat breakfast first?" P'White said and I know my friend very well, "I don't think it's possible na khrab. I don't like to eat in crowded places na White. Can we just buy street foods later?" Ai'Cap is very sensitive to time that he doesn't really like waiting for a long time. Once we were buying food at a fast food chain and the food didn't arrive after 10 minutes, he talked to the manager.

'P'White there's more that you need to learn to Ai'Cap.'

I wish I was aware of my differences with Gunsmile before. If I only noticed about small things like with Ai'Cap and P'White, I can prevent falling so hard and deep to him. I ignored everything that people told me because I was too blinded by my feelings for him. If I listened to them, I wouldn't probably insisted my feelings for him. I wouldn't probably ended up with him. I would be happier—maybe. But damn it—I wouldn't be happier because I know to myself that Gunsmile made me happy.

They are right; too much happiness will bring you sadness in the end.

Khao San Road is near my house. Only 10 minutes by feet so we don't need to bring bicycle or motorcycle or even car. "Ai'Toptap, I told my P'Hyuk na khrab that I will go with you today. I said you are kind of sad na khrab so that he will let me go. He actually wanted all of us to celebrate Songkran na khrab but I can't be with White and also you if I will go with them," I chuckled which finally I can again after hearing Ai'Cap's explanation, "Don't make me your excuse na khrab. I know that you just want to be with P'White," and now I can joke around with Ai'Cap.

I haven't moved on but I am moving forward. Meaning, the pain is still there but I need to face reality and progress because I cannot be stuck forever. "White~" I've never imagined in my life that I will see Ai'Cap whined in front of someone. I smile seeing this kind of interaction from my friend, "You do know that Ai'Toptap is right—khrab? or you don't want to see me today na Cap?" I can already see the downfall of the great Captain Chonlathorn Na Ranong.