Calm Down Tiger

48: My Baby Brother

Hyuk's POV

I am a very simple person and all I want is what's good for my family and for my lover. I don't know what I did in the past to punish me this much that I am losing both of my family and my lover at the same time. I thought what I was doing all the time is to protect them but turns out my protection wasn't enough to prevent things from happening.

Today, I saw my brother with this Nong and I also saw my shuttering trust for him all over the place. I didn't say anything. I only stared at them because I am already tired. Tired from telling him what to do and maybe my friends are right—maybe I am really so pushy but if he doesn't like me to protect him anymore—then we rather make it clear now. This path is the path he chose himself, "P'~" his voice echoes inside my bedroom. Hae, Heechul hyung, and Hangeng hyung are all outside because I told them not to get involve. This is between me, Captain, and his boyfriend White.

I sigh deeply, "Are you ready to talk?" my voice sounds so tired already because I am really tired. I am sick and tired of this, "P'Hyuk—I am sorry—" "Can we please let Ai'Cap talk first?" I cut this Nong, "I am not cutting you na khrab because I am very rude but because all I want right now is to hear my brother—to make me believe him somehow na khrab," I explained not only to Nong White but also to Ai'Cap.

My brother looks so scared right now but I am not getting angry—he should be nervous but not scared because I am tired of being the antagonist in his life, "P'—why can't P'Gun be here?" he asked me and I snicker because that sounds so ridiculous to me, "And what Ai'Cap? To let your P' cover up for you again? Aren't you tired of hiding behind someone's back?" I stand up from my bed and both of them follows my movement while still sitting on the two chairs that Hangeng Hyung put in my room. "Ai'Cap—since you were young—you were always the one we protected—not because you are weak but because you are our youngest brother. You might see your P'Gun as a funny guy but he did a lot for you already and you don't know how many times your P'Gun got in trouble for you." I walk around the room trying to control all the emotions inside my chest.

"I don't want you to keep on pushing your problem to your P' because I want you to stand up on your own Ai'Cap. I am giving you the opportunity now to tell me everything because I am too tired of this—honestly I don't want to listen anymore but I am doing this for the sake of your P'Hae, your P'Gun, and for Mae and Pa—so please—please Ai'Cap," Me? Hyuk, is begging my brother because I want to understand.

I stop walking just to look at him and his face has so many underlying emotions and his boyfriend is just sitting beside him and holding his hands, "Will you really listen to me na khrab P'?" He stared straight into my eyes and I know—Ai'Cap can do well even without me, "Khrab," then I sit down again on the edge of my bed ready to listen to him, "P'—I love White—like how you love P'Donghae or how P'Hangeng loves P'Heechul. It's the same love that Mae and Pa feel for each other," I close my eyes and so a single thread of tears fall down from my eyes, "I never felt this way before P'—and you do know that I haven't really been in a relationship before," I open my eyes as more emotions welcome me, "I tried P'—I tried to resist and not be with White because I know na khrab that you will get mad. I love you na khrab P' that was why I tried so hard to push P' away—but the more I push him away—the more I want him," I am still glad that he is not crying because I don't know what to do anymore if Ai'Cap will cry again.