STAR TREK IMAGINES

Commander Spock

A/n: mentions of the loss of a child, please don't read if that's a trigger for you.

"Promise you won't leave me?"
"Promise"

My own voice rang back in my head, sitting alone now.
Spocks honey brown eyes looking back into mine, his hands dragging over my skin, pulling on my hair, all distant memories, like books left on a shelf never to be touched again.
The trouble with immortality, no matter how desperately in love I am, the universe always finds a way to take it away.
I swirled a drink in my hands, distracting myself as a party raged behind me.
"Looks like quite the party, I taught you well"
I smiled, turning around Jim stood in his black suit.
"I always do"
Jim pulled out the chair next to me, I stared out at the horizon placing the glass to my lips but hesitating for a moment.
"I haven't heard from him since he left either, I'm sorry y/n"
Jim rested his hand on my arm, I took one last gulp of my drink. Looking back at Jim, I grabbed his arm back.
"Let's not focus on the past please"
Letting go of his hand, Jim coughed uncomfortably.
"I'm sorry y/n, the reason I came was to ask you back to the enterprise, I need one of my best pilots, flying by my side again"
I covered my face with my hands, tears flooding to my eyes. A shaky breath falling from my lips, trembling slightly.
"Screw it. Sure, I'm in Jim"
Jim smiled, patting my back as we both stood, slightly over-come by my own emotions, I laughed too.

____TimeSkip_____

"Captain, Another ship wishes to come along side"
I spoke over the comm, tending to the console.
Jim switched back to Chekov, before allowing the vessel to come aboard.
Going back to my duties I thought nothing of it, I left the bridge briefly going to assist an engineer who was still working on my console from the main controls.
I was just in front of the door, about to open it when it opened on its own. A very familiar figure stood behind the doors.
"Spock..."
I whispered, seeing how he aged in the time apart. His eyes still cold as glass, unmoving.
Tears stung my burning throat as I ran away, going back down the hallway desperate to get away from him.

Wind blew my hair away from my face, the cold tugging my hands back inside like a child in front of a candy store.
Quietly, Spock opened the door to the balcony, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"I wish you would have told me the truth"
"I'm sorry, I know I should have, but when I do, when people know what I am. They always leave"
Our conversation was tense, my heart held in the balance, ready to shatter with every word he uttered.
"I do not want to end our relationship y/n, that would be an illogical decision"
Spock rested his head on top of mine, as I turned around, returning his embrace.
"I've been alone for a long time Spock... promise you won't leave me too?"
"Promise"

Of all the events of my life the ones I had to remember the most, were the most painful.
I held my knees against my chest, hiding in my quarters.
Feeling like a coward, I could only sob into my hands, a hint of shame running through me knowing he was back.
"I had hoped, that we may have reconciled on peaceful terms"
Spock spoke from the door, I sat up, wiping away the tears.
"You gave up that privilege the day you left"
"I did not think it would affect you so, once you knew what I was doing"
"You left without saying goodbye! How do you think I felt, when I knew that the man I loved didn't even care to end our relationship. I spent months wondering, what I did wrong? Why you didn't even care to tell me that you left, why I had to find out from Jim that you were on Vulcan"
"I could not tell you. Not then"
"Why not?"
"Because you were the only person who could have talked me out of it"
I couldn't even begin to form the words, anger floating freely in my chest.
"So you didn't even think, to end things! I would've understood if you said you wanted to end our relationship Spock, I had to raise our child all on my own-"
"Our child?"
The stoicism in his voice broke, his eyes softening as he approached me.
"I was pregnant. I found out the day you left. It doesn't matter now Spock"
"Why not?"
"She died Spock, she was traveling to her first day at the academy, her shuttle was attacked, and she died"
I turned away, covering my mouth with my hand, as I pulled out a picture of her and I, standing with her acceptance papers.
"She never knew who her father was, she never asked"
He clutched the photo to his chest, before he set it back down, still putting on a stoic face.
"You promised, you wouldn't leave..."
"I did what I had to do"
I crumbled to the floor, shame, that I could ever be so attached to someone who never loved me back, crushing me.
"Just leave Spock, you certainly didn't have a problem before"
Getting up, I tried to walk away but Spock quickly grabbed my wrist, I tugged as much as I could but he only held on tighter.
His touch was so painfully familiar, so many years of the safety I felt for so long came back, but the pain, the heartbreak he caused was still ever present.
"Don't.... Please"
Letting go of my wrists, he pulled me into a hug, burying his face into my neck.
"I could not complete Kohlinar, because of you, I love you so y/n"
"Spock, I never stopped loving you, but I can't trust you again, not right now"
"We can work on it, y/n"
I nodded, Spock wrapped his arms around me, settling into a hug.
"I don't want to leave you again"
"Promise?"
"Promise."