Living a normal life was now impossible to Lily after being kidnapped by the tatters. She was stolen off of the boat that was supposed to take her to England to study from the White Sea after visiting her family that lived in Egypt because of her fa...
"Suleiman" I bowed to my husband who was sitting on his bed. I knew what I was about to say could possibly be the end of everything or maybe it could open a new door for our relationship but I know in the end it would feel good to get all of this stuff off my chest.
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I walked over to the bed and kneeled beside it. I placed my head on Suleiman's knee. He put his book beside him on the bed and placed his hand on my head patting my curled hair softly. I closed my eyes enjoying what could possibly be the last of his touches. I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes.
"Qamar?" Suleiman asked confused. I raised my head and looked up at the man that I loved to death. The man I couldn't be angry with even though he was with another woman the night before.
"Who made you sad, my moon?" Suleiman asked wiping the tears that slipped my eyes. I took a breath thinking through the sentences I rehearsed in my head on the way here.
"No one, I made myself sad, my sultan" I answered. I could see Suleiman's face morph into a confused look.
"I haven't been fully honest with you Suleiman" I admitted looking down in shame. Suleiman let out a small gasp of shock. I took a deep breath before looking up at him.
"I didn't tell you the full story of my life before coming here" I willed myself to get a grip on myself and pushed the tears back. The sobs got stuck in my throat making it hurt even more as the seconds ticked by.
"Explain" Suleiman ordered. He composed himself and an emotionless look took over his face. He was protecting himself from pain, he was willing to listen but with a distance in between us.
"It wasn't an old man that had brought me when I was first brought to Istanbul, it was Sahihuban Sultan, she took me and my sisters with her to her home and taught us a lot of your traditions. She chose me out of the four of us and sent me here again to Istanbul. She planted me in the Valide's path. She threatened me with my sisters so I would stay loyal to her" I pulled some of the letters Sahihuban Sultan sent me throughout the years. I placed them on the bed beside Suleiman. He pulled his Kaftan out of my grasp and stood up from the bed, he walked to the middle of the room to put space between us which hurt me more than I had thought it would. I need to be clean with Suleiman even if this caused my death, I can't hold this secret more inside of me but if I was going down then so was Sahihuban Sultan.
"I was able to save Alice after a while but Elizabeth and Mary were still stuck. She had leverage over me so I did whatever she demanded. I got hold of Leo's letter many years before I showed it to you. I asked her what to do with it and she demanded that I keep it as leverage over Hürrem, it was like a hidden card to protect me from Hürrem so Sahihuban Sultan can get what she wanted" I continued. Suleiman turned to look at me with fire in his eyes. Anger was the only emotion on his face and in his body language. I feared him at that moment. I feared his reaction and actions.
"What did she want?" Suleiman asked lowly. He tried to keep his voice calm but it was impossible.
"She wanted to get rid of Hürrem before she came here to gain more power" I answered. I looked down at my hands in my lap as I answered, I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore.
"Hürrem has been dead for years, why didn't she come before?" Suleiman asked. I gulped and rubbed my eyes to stop the tears from coming out again.
"I caused her a lot of problems trying to free my sisters and myself from her and I was successful two years ago but she has them again, all of them even Alice" I pushed myself to stand up from the floor with the help of the bed.
"What else have you been hiding?" Suleiman asked. I pulled out a small box I was hiding under my dress. I walked over to Suleiman and opened it. He winced at the sight of the finger inside. After many years it should have rotted but I made sure that doctors took care of the finger and made sure it stayed in good shape.
"This is Elizabeth's finger, Sahihuban Sultan cut it off and sent it to me as punishment when I demanded she sends my sister back to me in a moment of anger after Hürrem's execution" I explained. Suleiman looked away from the finger in disgust. I tugged the box back inside of my dress.
"She demanded I get rid of Hürrem when you married her. She saw her as a flaw in her plan of getting power. I admit I am not proud of what I did and my actions but I regret them and that is why I decided to tell you" Suleiman turned his back to me. I touched his shoulder but he pulled away and walked out to the terrace. I knew that he was beyond mad at me. I walked over to his desk and pulled out a small piece of paper and wrote,
You once told me that I deserve this, unlike Hürrem and Mahidevran. This was the only time you have been wrong Suleiman. I don't deserve it.
I love you more than life itself,
Your moon
I pulled off the emerald ring and placed it on top of the paper. A tear escaped from my eye and landed on the paper. I wiped my wet cheek before straightening my back. I felt like I could breathe for a second but Suleiman being mad at me made me feel suffocated again.
I made my way out of Suleiman's room with a new mission in mind. The day I lose Suleiman's love is the day I die. There was no going back from that. I walked to my room and locked the doors after demanding that none of the maids came in with me. I made my way over to my own terrace and opened the doors as the wind blew in my face making me shiver.
Now I couldn't hold back the tears and they came rushing out of their own accord. I walked over to the railing and leaned against it feeling like the worst person on the planet. I pulled a small vial from under my dress and unscrewed the top. Without a second thought, I drank the yellow liquid inside of the vial. I threw the empty vial somewhere unseen in the darkness, of course, it will be in the garden below the terrace but not seen in a time like this.
My eyes trailed to the terrace where Suleiman was still standing looking straight ahead with no emotions on his face. After a couple of minutes, he finally moved his head in my direction. Our eyes met and I let myself imagine the ocean blue eyes, they were embroidered in my memory after looking into them for many years on end. The sound of the waves crashing pulled me back to reality as my vision became hazy and my eyes rolled to the back of my head before the world tilted.
"QAMAR" I heard the voice I loved the most in the world yell but I was obviously imagining it. Suleiman hated me now and he wouldn't be so concerned watching me collapse. Why would he? I technically betrayed him.
