Jungkook's Love • JJK

Fifteen

Jungkook sat in his car, his heart and chest so heavy he wasn't sure he was even capable of driving. What was he going to do now? What he'd done was bad but not like Jin thought, he'd not really betrayed him. He messed up in how he told him, should have told him sooner, shouldn't have played her stupid game.

He shouldn't have set up Chae but he'd never even touched her. Now he was out of BTS. The only real family he had turned their backs without hearing even a word of his side. Not a single one of them had allowed him to try to explain.

Fuck them. He wasn't going to do the tour, why should he? One crisis and they acted like he was a criminal with only half the story? Jungkook knew he was just angry again, he wished there was a practice with Jimin today, because he needed to see even one of them. He thought if he could just get one of them to hear him out, he might be able to push the absolute hopelessness that was threatening to crush his windpipe away.

How had they all grown so far apart? He couldn't recall a single duo that had the closeness of eighteen months ago. Was that why it was so easy to toss him out? Because there was nothing holding any of them together anymore? Where had they started severing their ties?

Was it when Jin and Joon got married? When Yoongi started taking on clients and selling some of his best work instead of making it into BTS songs? When Hobi created a dance school for Hybe to turn out more idols when they all knew what a toxic process it was?

He knew all of those things were why Tae was searching for companionship elsewhere, and why Jimin was trying to rebuild his relationship with his family. Everyone had begun to construct back up plans, well, everyone but him. He'd been so blind, just assuming it was a phase.

There had been several over the years, where their closeness had varying degrees. Months where they'd steadfastly stood by each other without question, and those where they couldn't be in the same room together. The difference now was it had never lasted more than a few months, and it was usually easily attributed to stress or an outside force. This came from within, and he blamed Namjoon.

As their leader he needed to devote his time to keeping them moving forward. Then he met Sujin and everything changed. She wanted him home every night, she didn't want the guys to come over, she thought he needed boundaries with BTS. She brainwashed him into thinking that what they'd created wasn't everything it seemed. She convinced him that it had an expiration date and that he needed to have his own life before that happened.

At first Joon had sheepishly gone with it, apologizing about leaving early, about bailing on plans. But within six months he didn't even need her guidance anymore. When she told him she was pregnant he'd married her, none of the guys had even attended the wedding. When she miscarried a few months later the damage was done, shotgun wedding achieved. Now less than three months later and she was six weeks pregnant again, conveniently scheduled to give birth just a month after their tour completed. Sometimes Jungkook wondered if she'd been pregnant at all, and maybe if Namjoon had waited to marry her, he might not have done it.

Jungkook started his car, at least his hands had stopped shaking. Being angry at Namjoon and Sujin had cleared his mind enough to breathe. He needed to talk to someone that wasn't BTS, who wasn't in the industry. He asked his voice assistant to dial his brother as he emerged from the parking garage.

"Hey Kookie what's up?" Jung-hyun answered on the third ring.

"I wanted to come by and pick up Bam, I'm going to be home a lot more and I thought I'd keep him until the tour. I won't be having long days." Jungkook wasn't sure if talking to his brother was the right idea, but snuggling with Bam might actually soothe his nerves more.