Jungkook's Love • JJK

Sixty Five

Trigger warning- mental illness, mention of suicide

"Have you spoken to your eomma since our last session?" You watched as your therapist crossed one leg over the other, she was an attractive woman, probably in her late thirties, maybe even early forties. She had a calm nature about her that always soothed you, except today.

"We had dinner Friday." Your fingers couldn't help but pick at the edge of your leggings, nothing was there, but the invisible drive to not be still propelled you in tiny twitchy movements.

"Did your boyfriend go? Was it different than the first time where they excluded him?" She didn't know your boyfriend was Jungkook, you weren't sure if you were allowed to tell her, even with her confidentiality agreement.

"Yes, it was just the four of us and it was very quiet. I wouldn't be surprised if she canceled the next dinner. Pretty sure they accomplished everything the first time." You'd not told your therapist about your stepfather blackmailing you, only about him showing you the video.

The fewer people who knew about that the more likely you could get through until your twenty fifth birthday without any interference. You'd sign away whatever money existed and be done with them. That was where you were choosing to set your focus, that distant day.

"Do you want to talk about why you're still so tense even after saying that your relationship with the most conflict has gone quiet?"

"No." You pinched against the skin of your leg, messing with the fabric of your clothing no longer filling your urge. The infinitesimal bite of pain was satisfying so you did it again.

She was quiet, you knew she had the innate ability to wait you out. Dr Choi could be still and perfectly tranquil while you sat here and cracked under the pressure of her lack of pressure. Like most therapists you'd spoken with she had a notebook and pencil, but she rarely took notes. Now she picked it up and wrote something and it made you nervous.

Was she saying you weren't, okay? Was she writing down how neurotic you were acting? Would she tell Dongwo that they'd made a mistake in releasing you to Jungkook's care?

"I'm having issues with my boyfriend." You blurted it out, the sound too loud for the silence she'd cultivated in the space.

"You know you can tell me anything, we don't have to only talk about your feelings about your parents. I'm open to hearing things that might be giving you anxiety or triggering emotions you struggle to process." A few months ago, you would have rolled your eyes so hard they threatened to stay that way. Now, after therapy you could see her sincerity instead of brushing her off as disingenuous.

"What is someone supposed to do if they feel they aren't attracted to their partner anymore?" You swallowed hard before tentatively saying part of what was on your mind.

"Tell me why you feel that way, the reason behind it changes the solution." Her pencil rested once more, and you had the sense she'd scribbled only to draw you out of your stupor.

"His ex let herself into our apartment and turned up in the bedroom while he was in the shower. Now every time I look at him and our bed, I just feel disgusted by both. I don't even want him to touch me." You didn't bother explaining that Mina wasn't exactly an ex, and you left out that Jungkook had been rather promiscuous before your relationship started.

"Did something happen between them? I'm guessing you weren't home when this happened?" Her tone was still remarkable docile, she wasn't rising to your own choked emotion.

"He said no. He made her leave."

"Do you believe him?" You didn't answer her right away, instead you asked yourself the question, here, in this office where he wasn't looking at you or making you feel like you needed to believe him.