I hate to admit

Cruel is nothing but me

Chan

"Channie?" Jisung whispered.

Fuck...

"What's wrong Ji?" I asked. "I'm so fucking sore." Jisung replied with a groan. "That's normal baby boy." "Fuck off."

He was cute when he's feisty.

Was last night a mistake? Maybe but did I enjoy it?

Yes, I did.

"Chan, are we okay?" Jisung asked in a whisper, as if he was afraid of the answer. "Jisung...you knew what you were getting yourself into." I replied. "I know, I'm sorry." "Don't be, it's okay honestly. We are okay, you mean a lot to me."

I turned to face Jisung and wrapped him up in my arms, making sure he felt safe and comfortable.

"However, you should get up before Changbin sees. Don't need him getting suspicious." I chuckled. "Right yeah, he'd fucking lose it." Jisung grinned.

I pressed a kiss to Jisung's forehead and watched him get up, grabbing his clothes and sneaking out. It was fairly early enough so Changbin should still be sleeping.

I then rolled over onto my back and looked up at the ceiling.

"Mhmm Chan... that was amazing." We were lying in bed after a very eventful night, several rounds in fact. He looked so beautiful when he was fucked out. "Yes baby, it was indeed. You're always up for a wild night." I pulled him on top of me, brushing is hair back that was sticking to his forehead.

One of our many nights, I was out on a mini tour and after I got back, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. It was still early in my career, and we were still going strong. I always looked forward to coming home to him, and he was just as excited as I was.

"Your tours keep getting longer Channie." He sighed. "I know baby, but each time is better than the next time I come home, right?" I caressed his cheek. "Mhmmm, I guess Channie."

Each time was better than the next until I stopped coming home, I would be back from tours days before and would have yet to go home to him. There were times when he kept getting needier and it started to annoy me, so I often opted to stay a friend's place or just get a hotel room until I was ready.

It felt nice with Jisung, it was mere fun, a no strings attached type of thing. He knew how it would be and he genuinely seemed okay with it. It was fun for sure, never knew Jisung could be so...feisty.

Sadly, I need to get up or otherwise other memories are just going to start coming back and that's the last thing I wanted. I had to get up, get dressed. We still had a way to go before finishing the album, the new single however is ready and we will be releasing it this Friday.

Only three days away.

"So, Chan... were you getting off on some video or just really needed to destress?" Changbin looked at me. "Fuck off." I threw a bottle of water at him. "Now pick that up and let's go, we got shit to do." I huffed.

I could hear Jisung laughing in the background. "Shut up Jisung!" I yelled walking out the door.

When we got to the studio we were using here in London, our manager showed up.

"Hey boys, how is everything going? You know when you're done here in this city you go back to Seoul where you'll be performing." Our manager said cheerily.

Right, because we never fucking rest.

"Yes, I know. Our new single is getting released Friday, and our album is pretty much finished." I spoke. "You never sleep do you Bang Chan?" "No, he does not." Jisung laughed.

"Alright then, let's see what you got then shall we."

All three of us went into the recording booth, our manager wanted to listen to our single before we released it.

So here we are.

"They always say the same excuses. While they're complaining, we're producing."

"Damn." Our manager said.

Our new song, pretty much for our haters. "And what's it called?"

"3racha." I smirked.

I can't even remember when I wrote this song, but it feels like it was ages ago. Changbin was getting after me, he kept telling me it was a good addition for our new album and lit apparently. So, it's our new single for Friday and will be featured on our new album.

"Our boy here is a fucking genius." Jisung squeezed my shoulder. "Thanks Ji." I smiled.

"Alright well I have to get going boys, I'll see you back in Seoul just wanted to see how you were doing.

"I like that one Channie." He smiled. "Mhmm, thanks baby. I wrote this fairly recently." I replied. I couldn't tell if he saw through me or not. I can lie and say it's about him, but I don't think I can.

I wrote it after one night with another and not my own boyfriend, I felt connected in a way to them. Me and him had a fight after I had just gotten back from a three-day tour overseas, of course he was excited to see me and was fairly needy. He looked worn and he was losing himself, I guess he couldn't handle it like he thought.

I kept asking questions about the tour and my songs and all my fans, I was tired and just wanted to rest but no he wasn't letting me. So yeah, I got annoyed and upset very fast and yelled at him, so I stormed out of our apartment and didn't come back until after two days.

Fuck I was such a shitty boyfriend.

Love is cruel, fame is cruel.

You can't have both.