I hate to admit

A haze

Chan

"Chan are you alright?" Jisung asked me. I know he means well but right now I don't think I can handle anything or anyone right now.

After seeing his face, his picture I wanted to go into a downward spiral, but I had to keep my cool. They don't anything about my past or him...but it's going to have to come out sooner or later.

"Jisung please I just need to be alone." I spoke calmly. "After seeing the group's pictures who's going to help us you just...I don't know started acting strange." Jisung replied.

I had come back to the condo shortly after and wanted to be by myself, an hour or so later the boys came back. Changbin went to his room to work on stuff while Jisung came and found me.

"Jisung please just go."

Jisung reached up to cup my cheek and made me look at him, God why does he have to be so sweet. He kissed me gently and then stood up, "I'll be here just remember that." Jisung said as he walked out of my room.

After a while I decided to go out, what I do when I normally get this way...I go out and get drunk maybe sleep around.

That's exactly what I did too.

All hours of the night, Jisung kept blowing up my phone and the Changbin started doing the same. Fuck what time is it anyways?

Shit.

I've been out this long...

It's already Friday, the release of our single. In only a couple of hours our single will be up for everyone to stream, I guess I should get back and get an ear full from Changbin.

When I walked into the condo Changbin was the first to see me, "Damn Chan where the fuck have you been. You know our release is today!"

"Channie!" I heard Jisung yell from the other room. "Don't Sung. He clearly went on another bender; I can smell the alcohol and look at his fucking neck...looks like someone had fun." Changbin spat as he walked away.

I walked right past Jisung and went upstairs to my room, I needed to fucking shower.

I had at least a few marks on my neck but nothing major, he was just overreacting as usual. I really let it go this time though, usually I was always only out for maybe a night but not this time.

As I got undressed and hopped in the shower, I stood there under the water letting it pour down on me and it felt good. Fuck why did I have to let him get to me so badly...

He looked good, it was like he was another person, and it was like I was never a part of his life at all.

I wonder if he's with anyone. Maybe one of those boys?

Something I shouldn't even be caring about.

"Channie?" I felt arms wrap around me from behind and Jisung's soft voice. "Jisung please...I can't do this not right now. Besides I was out and with god knows who, I don't even remember." I turned around facing Jisung.

Well, he was naked, so he planned on coming in here with me to take a shower.

"I told you I knew what I was doing when I slept with you the other night, I know how you are Chan and what you do. Besides we aren't together, even though I like you Chan I can control my feelings." Jisung said.

Jisung...he's never been afraid of much, but I know he gets hurt easily. I've seen him be in relationships before and after every breakup I always fear he will never recover from them.

"Jisung it's not like I don't like you because I do but you have to understand that it won't work out for us. I don't want to hurt you." I cupped his cheek, the water falling down on him made him look so fucking hot right now.

I pinned him up against the wall and held him by his wrists, he looked up at me not even fazed by anything right now. "Chan. Stop talking and fucking kiss me."

That's what I did.

I kissed him, he kissed back all my memories and seeing his picture left my mind. Jisung helped me forget.

I picked Jisung up by his thighs and he wrapped his legs around me, I lined myself up with his entrance and slammed into him. There was nothing sweet and gentle about this and it seemed as if he wanted it this way.

"Fuck Chan..." Jisung moaned.

"You wanted this." I grunted as I pulled out and slammed back into him.

I continued to pound him forcefully at a decent speed, and each time his moans were louder than the next. Thank God we were in the shower.

"Fuck Jiusng, how are you so loud. Damn boy." I smashed my lips against his.

"You like it, and you know it." Jisung chuckled. "Mhmm that I fucking do."

After a few more minutes we both were done, and damn I think that was the best shower sex I have ever had.

"Chan..." Jisung breathed.

"Why do you always surprise me." I smirked. "Mhmm because it keeps you on your toes, besides it's a nice change. Despite you being a hoe, I know you only go out there because something is weighing you down. And I will be here when you need someone to talk to."

"A hoe huh?" I chuckled. "Hmm yes." Jisung smirked.

I opened the shower door and stepped out wrapping the towel around my waist, Jisung followed suit.

"Our release is soon, so will everything be, okay?" Jisung asked. "Yes, everything will be fine. We will upload the song; it will be a hit and soon we will be back in Seoul after and do our concert." I replied. "And then we will meet up with that danceracha group?" "Yes, then we will do that, and I hope to god it goes well."

After we finished drying off Jisung left and then I left shortly after. An hour passed by and all three of us were ready to go and we made our way to the studio, our manager went back to Seoul so he wasn't there but in a short time our new single will be out there for the world to hear.