I hate to admit

A piano was brought out and Chan walked over to it, he sat down on the piano bench and place his fingers over the keys.

They hovered for a second before Chan looked back at me and then the first few notes rang throughout the auditorium.

Bang fucking Chan.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing right now.

As he continued playing the piano and started singing the whole piano moved and turned around so that he was facing me in particular.

I knew I was getting looks from Minho, from Felix, from Jisung and even the crowd.

I was once again frozen in place, I couldn't move.

Chan was playing my song, the one I wrote when Chan first started lying to me and so much more. I wish I could say I was surprised but, in all honesty, I wasn't, this song represented me and my relationship with Chan but in a way, it suits him too.

I guess the song is for both of us.

How could I forget

The day you lied to me

Da da da

I can't stop thinkin' 'bout you

Da da da

Just stay with me

I might as well forget

I forgot how sad the song was, how emotional and beautiful.

It actually sounded better with Chan's vocals, it fit his range.

Chan played the last few notes on the piano and when he was done, he stood up. He walked over to me and dragged me over to the middle of the stage.

"Chan what are you doing!" I whisper shouted.

"Just play along okay." Chan whispered back. I definitely didn't like where this was going.

Chan brought his hand up to cup my cheek, "I hate to admit." Chan spoke loud enough so that his voice travelled through the mic that was next to us.

"I'm sorry Hyunjin." Chan whispered.

Chan smiled and then took a step back and looked out into the crowd.

"To all my fans look forward to my new song 'I hate to admit' on all streaming services! This song is special to me and holds a lot of emotions. Goodnight!" Chan yelled.

Chan grabbed me by the hand and led me off the stage and through the back. I looked behind me and the others were following.

Once we got back to the lounge area everything and everyone was silent. It was actually kind of scary, I immediately let go of Chan's hand when we got inside.

"What was that about." Minho asked.

"That was a song actually written by Hyunjin." Chan replied.

"So, you stole his song?" Minho glared at Chan. "If you want to see it that way then sure, but I actually changed some of the lyrics around." Chan replied.

It's been so long I didn't even notice a change in the lyrics.

"Min, as much as that song was for me to sing someday, I'm glad that Chan sang it first. I however absolutely hate that you took it out from under me, I'm pretty sure I got rid of all my old journals, so I don't know where you got it from." I looked over at Chan.

"You did, I remember all the shredded bits of paper scattered all around my music room back in our apartment. Somehow though that one page of this song survived." Chan explained.

"Jinnie! Is it okay if I go with Changbin? He wants to hang out." Felix asked me as he skipped over to me.

I couldn't help but smile at Felix, I guess it was good he was getting over Jisung but at the same time I know Jisung thinks it was all his fault.

"Go on Lix enjoy!" I ruffled his hair.

Felix went off with Changbin and then there were just the four of us.

Minho huffed and walked outside onto the balcony, and I can only assume it was my cue to go after him. I looked at Jisung and he just nodded his head in the direction of Minho, I gave my own nod of the head and followed after him.

The cool night air hit my skin, when Jisung and I had arrived earlier the weather was actually quite nice out but now I could smell the rain in the distance and the night sky was clouded over.

I swear to God it's like the weather knows my mood.

"You still love him." Minho spoke up.

"I love you Minho and you know that." I replied.

The last thing I wanted right now was for us to fight.

"Be that as it may Hyunjin, but Chan was your first love. You hate him, you despise him, you love him. He hurt you and that is something that can never be forgiven but you also have history." Minho spoke.

"Minho you know what happened to me after that night, after that kiss?" I looked at Minho waiting for a response, just anything. "I stood out in the parking lot after I stormed out, I cried and sank to the ground, the rain was pouring down on me, and I kept thinking...no hoping that you would come after me. The next thing I knew Jisung was there, and he took me back to his place. He took care of and even drew me a hot bath where I sat in the tub and thought if I just held myself under the water long enough, I wouldn't be here right now, and no one would fucking miss me. I wished that I was back in the white room I had put myself in, the one where I repeatedly wanted to kill myself, but I never really had it in me to do so. Then you came into my life Minho and changed everything." I explained.

I could already feel the tears, and then I felt the first raindrop.

Minho was looking at me with fuck I don't know pity maybe? Did he feel sorry for me?

"I'm going to give you a free pass Hyunjin. I love you so fucking much and it's because I love you that I'm doing this. Go to Chan, talk to him, see where your feelings are." Minho spoke.

"So out of everything I just fucking told you, pouring my heart out to you and this is your feedback. You're basically telling me to go pursue the bastard who messed up my life. Maybe this is all on me then, I started this whole thing. Agreeing to being the backup dancer, and then the scene with Chan but the kiss was not me. You didn't even come after me! Remember you lied first Minho." I cried.

I walked out of there so fast, seems that's what I'm good at these days.