I hate to admit

Complete again

Minho

It's been a week since I last saw Hyunjin, it's been a week since I gave him the chance to make sense of his feelings.

It's been 4 days since Hyunjin's song out beat Chan's song and I was so fucking proud of him, makes me wonder if he ever wanted to actually make music rather than dance.

He could do both if he really wanted to.

He's overcome so much in is life and I was lucky enough to be there for him the last couple of years.

Interestingly enough Felix has been a lot happier, him and Chanbgin have hitting it off pretty well. Felix has been getting over Jisung little by little even though I think they would have been a great couple.

I wish Hyunjin was here to see how happy Felix has been lately, even he would be proud of our little angel.

There hasn't been one day the past few weeks where he hasn't shamed himself or overate and went to go throw it all up. Felix is happy and healthier, and I hope soon Hyunjin can experience that.

It was late at night and Felix was out having fun, seems like Changbin has actually been making time for Felix despite 3racha's busy schedule.

I was sitting here in the living room on the couch working on some things and going through offers and contracts. Ever since we helped 3racha people have been blowing up my phone and my inbox is overflowing with emails.

I happened to look outside and looks like the night sky was clouded over; the stars were out of sight now. Must be going to rain...again.

I can't remember the last time there was an actual sunny day or a night sky filled with shining stars and the moon lit up the sky.

I decided to close my laptop and head to bed.

Before I went to my room, I stopped at Hyunjin's room, I opened the door and peered inside, knowing damn well I wasn't going to find him.

I flipped the light on, his bed was a mess and he had clothes scattered everywhere. He was never one for a clean room that's for sure.

I turned the light off and closed the door.

I went to my room and closed the door behind me, I changed into my sleeping clothes and crawled into bed.

I looked over to the side and couldn't help but feel lonely, the spot next to me has been empty for so long and the bed has been cold.

I closed my eyes, and, in the distance, I heard the thunder, to me the rain, the storm, the wind was every emotion.

The good, the bad, sadness, cold, pain, happy and so much more.

I gave Hyunjin a memory in the rain, I also gave him a painful one.

I turned on my side still half asleep, but I could feel a weight beside me, I opened my eyes and there was a sleepy angel next to me.

Guess I was the favorite right now until Hyunjin can come back and claim his spot.

I pulled Felix into me and wrapped my arm around him, Felix slightly groaned but then he just nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck.

I fully opened my eyes, and it was light out, but the sky was a dark grey, a gloomy morning.

"Do you want breakfast Lix?" I asked softly.

"Mhmm." Felix groaned.

"I'll take that as a yes." I smiled.

I kissed him on the forehead and got up.

I made my way to the bathroom and took shower, and when I got out the room was steamy. I wrapped a towel around my waist and stood in front of the mirror, I swiped my hand over the mirror and looked at myself.

Something felt off this morning but in a good way.

I brushed my teeth and dried myself off, threw on some clothes and went down to the kitchen.

Felix was still asleep on my bed, but I made sure to make as much noise as possible to get him awake.

When I walked down the steps and made my way towards the kitchen I stopped in my tracks, I could smell bacon and waffles.

I could hear a faint humming and it sounded oddly familiar.

I made the last few steps towards the kitchen and there he was.

Hyunjin, hair halfway tied up and a few strands falling down in his face. He had flour smeared on his face; wish he could keep his room half as clean as he did when he was cooking.

Bacon was on a plate next to a plate full a waffles, there was also toast and eggs.

He was so caught up in his own world cooking and singing lowly that he didn't even notice me.

I stood there leaning against the doorway and just watched him, a small smile played on my lips but at the same time I had an awful feeling inside my chest.

I am so thrilled that he's here back in the kitchen cooking, he used to make breakfast all the time. At the same time, I don't know how this is going to go, I hate myself for never going after him and I hate myself for basically laughing in his face.

"Beautiful." I finally spoke.

Hyunjin looked up and smiled at me.

"Hey Min." Hyunjin replied. "Hope you're hungry, you should probably go get Lix."

"Don't worry I made as much noise as I could on my way down here." I chuckled.

"Speak of the devil now." Hyunjin smirked.

Felix sleepily made his way into the kitchen and over to Hyunjin, "Hyunjinnie, mhmmm smells good." Felix yawned resting his head on Hyunjin's arm.

"Lix, you know the rules. Go wash up and then you can eat." Hyunjin spoke.

"Wait Felix, you knew Hyunjin was home." I raised my brow. "Mhmm, he came home late last night. He told me to sleep with you so you could feel loved." Felix chuckled softly.

Hyunjin let out his own laugh.

"Guess I deserve that." I replied.

"Alright breakfast is done! Min, can you set the table and Lix go get washed up." Hyunjin shouted.

I set the table and I helped Hyunjin place the food on the table and not soon after Felix came back downstairs looking refreshed and energized.

"Jinnie is home!" Felix smiled.

"I am home and for good." Hyunjin smiled looking at me.