I hate to admit

Words, rumors, hate

How did everything end up so fucking messed up?

Everything turned upside down.

So many things have happened in the course of a year, and before that things were shitty. Minho and I finally getting together, after so long I finally decided to let him in but only to find out he lied to me about the one guy who royally fucked up my life.

After getting through that ordeal and finding peace with each other again, everything was okay until it wasn't. Chan came between us, and I thought everything was done and over with.

Not to mention Felix, he had gone through a lot in his life, and he was finally getting somewhere with someone only to have that blow up in his face. However Felix had a better happy ending than I did, him and Jisung didn't end things on a bad note per say but they got through it and in the end, Felix ended up with someone great. Felix has no more of his shaming episodes or shutting down and locking himself up, instead he's happier than ever.

Minho is busier than ever and is managing a lot of things, but he has Felix, Changbin, Jisung and funny enough Chan. 3racha has become a big part of our life and in some way, they became family despite everything.

And I'm so thankful that Minho has them.

After 3racha's launch party and Chan performing his song live and releasing it then and there things were bad and good. I spent some time away from Minho after he gave me some time to figure out myself and my lingering feelings for Chan.

When I had my so called 'free pass' Chan and I spent a few hours together, we talked, we drank, we ate, and we had a hot make out session. Everything was good and we talked about our feelings, there was hate still there but in reality, we knew we had to get over it and I was finally ready to let it go.

And then I went home.

Home was great and inviting, I had made breakfast for Minho and Felix and myself of course. I knew things were going to be perfect, but they were just perfect enough. We were a happy family again and things were great.

Minho and I had come a long way.

Our relationship became stronger than ever.

We took a small break from any work and contracts, we gave some time to ourselves and the three of us danced for fun at the studio, we sang for fun and even recorded. We also took the time to do some upgrades to our dance studio, a remodel of sorts.

We had some time to ourselves, and we just had fun, Felix was happier and doing great and it felt good to see him better and healthier. Minho wasn't stressed about anything, and I wasn't worried about anything.

After taking some much-needed time away from everything danceracha got back into things, and we finally were ready to do that song collab with 3racha which turned out great by the way.

Until it wasn't.

People found out who I was, Chan's fans were not too happy about that.

After Chan's talk session on some radio show that I didn't really pay attention to because I wasn't worried about anything, things got messy.

People were begging for Chan and 3racha in fact to take down their music video that includes me obviously and the song collab with danceracha.

The fans started going after Minho who was getting overwhelmed by everything and everyone, but he was trying to keep his cool. Minho could withstand a lot and it took a lot for him to break, he tried his best to ignore all the hate and the hate mail and negative comments and so on.

Minho was also doing his best to keep Felix sane from it all, Felix always looked to me and looked up to me. Felix was once again after so long becoming insecure and about himself but also for me. You could say Felix was closer to me than Minho and Minho was okay with that but after everything that went down Felix drifted away from me.

I couldn't really blame him though.

It felt awful, I felt awful.

Then Minho began too distant himself from me.

I don't know what the fuck was happening, and all of a sudden, I felt alone and by myself.

I thought after everything Minho and I could get through anything, but I guess I was wrong.

I never thought that even Felix would stray from me.

I never thought Minho of all people would stray from me.

Minho took on work and was barely home anymore, Felix was always out with Changbin and spending the night with him, and I was home by myself.

I was left alone to my thoughts; I barely left my room, and I was constantly staring at the bright screen on my laptop.

"I knew I recognized that guy! He was the craze obsessed stalker boyfriend."

"Talk about scary! Why would he let him in his life again."

"Can you believe it!? To think Chan lived with him, no wonder Chan would go out and have some fun. Don't blame him one bit."

"I feel bad for Chan, I'm sure that guy forced 3racha to make him be a part of their music video."

"They pry didn't want to deal with his psycho ass and just accepted it."

"Hell, this guy...Hyunjin is his name? He's not even good looking, he even looks like a stalker."

"Totally! I mean he's too tall and skinny for one, and the long hair does not suit him, don't know what Chan saw in him anyways."

"I actually heard that he went crazy and was in an institution!"

"Talk about a real psycho!"

"Love Cb97 but he should have stayed with the random hook ups instead."

"Chan deserves way better!"

"Take down the music video! Take down the song collab!"

"Get danceracha away from their so-called friend! Hyunjin needs to go back to the nut house!"

"I can't believe Chan kissed him in that scene!"

"Hope he rinsed his mouth out a hundred times over."

"Talk about gross! EWWW!"

"He should just go and die. Kill yourself."