I hate to admit

Can everything go back to normal?

Minho

"You know Hyunjin told me everything. Him and Chan aren't really together." I looked over at Felix who was angrily texting someone.

"And your point?" Felix growled.

"Damn what's got you in a mood?" "Changbin is being an ass right now." "Come on I'm sure it's not that bad." "Uh yeah it is, 3racha is coming out with new music and their manager already wants them to go overseas and promote it. Apparently even after everything their fans are waiting for them." "Isn't that a good thing?" "It only means I won't get to be with my boyfriend for months."

Oh, how tragic.

"Go with him." I spoke.

"It's not that simple." Felix replied throwing his phone down on the couch.

"Well, if I've learned anything is that Chan never made the effort to take Hyunjin with him anywhere regarding his career. So, take this chance and go with, Changbin fucking loves you and it's sickening actually. Don't be the one who stays behind, don't let what happened to Hyunjin and Chan happen to the two of you." I explained.

"You're fucking kidding me right. You're basically saying Hyunjin had no say in anything, besides Changbin doesn't let the fame control him unlike Chan. Hyunjin tried, he was supportive, but Chan basically made him feel worthless, useless, an annoyance to everyone." Felix raised his voice.

I don't think I've seen Felix so angry before and this is just making things worse.

"Felix all I'm saying is just take control." "And all I'm saying is that you don't fucking know shit! I don't even know the whole thing, but I know you brought him back from his darkness, you made us a family. You're not even trying to get to know Hyunjin or remember." "Tell me why Hyunjin stayed with Chan in the first place, why didn't he get out sooner? Why are they now friends...why are they 'together'."

This is so frustrating, like if I was in his position I would have wanted out way sooner.

I mean why let someone make you feel like complete shit?

"Because Minho that's what love does. Love is so fucking contradicting that it hurts, you can love someone with all your heart and bear with all the bad because sometimes love is just that powerful. They talked through their shit, their feelings, Chan became the person he should have been a long time ago. Chan put Hyunjin through hell and even in the hospital, but after years their love story never ended. Chan is with someone...Jisung to be exact but even now Jisung knows he'll never be first in Chan's heart. Hyunjin knows how wrong it is and feels guilty every God damn day but they both have love for one another. You however made that disappear for the longest time, but now Hyunjin doesn't have anyone." Felix flung himself back against the couch, I could see the tears escaping his eyes.

None of this makes any sense.

Love isn't that powerful.

Why be in a toxic relationship, I mean the love was hiding behind it all as it was buried. How could someone let something overtake them and completely forget about the one person who cared about you?

"You know what Felix, I'm sorry that I was an asshole and abandoned you. I'm sorry that the day of my accident I was coming home to you to apologize. I'm sorry that I almost fucking died. I'm not sorry that I don't remember all this fucking bullshit between Hyunjin and I and Chan. It's fucking stupid." I got up from the couch and walked upstairs.

"Maybe Hyunjin is better off without you!" Felix yelled.

Yeah, he probably is.

I locked myself in my room for I don't know how long, it's been weeks since we've been back from London, and I can't say that it was a vacation because it didn't feel like one.

I turned on my side facing the window, I saw a touch of moon shining behind the never-ending clouds.

I then turned on my back, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through Insta. Nothing new really just a bunch of the same shit, plenty of posts about 3racha's comeback though.

I kept scrolling until I saw a post from someone I worked with.

It was of a painting.

"Thank you for this amazing piece of art! It's beautiful in every way and can't wait to show it off."

That was the caption underneath the photo.

He wasn't wrong though.

Something felt familiar about it though the longer I looked at it.

But I couldn't put my finger on it.

I sighed and turned my phone off throwing it to the side. I can't help but think back to the painting, it's as if I know the person who painted it.

The brush strokes on the canvas, the colors, the thoughts behind the painting.

It might have seemed cheerful with the colors but there was more to it than that.

I closed my eyes and sifted through all my thoughts, my memories...but I couldn't put my finger on it. I couldn't pinpoint anything.

My mind however did wander to his face, the one I had a dream about before at the hospital but now knowing who he is...I can't help but think of that dream.

We seemed happy, a perfect couple if there was such a thing.

Hearing his voice singing, how I wasn't supposed to hear it yet. 

How I wrapped him up in my arms.

The whole thing was or felt so foreign to me but back in London when I kissed him...I had no memory of kissing him before, but it felt...right in some way, I guess.

It didn't feel wrong, and I wasn't disgusted by him in any way.

In fact, If I hadn't of known any better, I would have said that was the best fucking kiss I'd ever had before.

Just the way he looked at me down in that basement though, I'm not good with my feelings so I don't know exactly how my emotions were showing but apparently it wasn't what he wanted to see.

I didn't want to get his hopes up at all in any way.

Besides that, kiss we shared, when we were in the kitchen, and I had him trapped between me and the counter I had a feeling of being close with him.

Me being me though came off as an ass though.

That whole night or just the trip in general I couldn't help but keep my eyes on him, and on him and Chan.

Back in the dance room I didn't want to look away.

Hyunjin may seem like he's trying to keep his shit together, but I can see past all that.

I know I was an ass just hours ago with Felix about the whole thing, but I guess I just don't get it, maybe it's because I don't remember being in love with Hyunjin and aside from that I've never been in love before.

In my opinion of you love someone you shouldn't set them aside for anything else.

Love them with everything you've got and don't let them go, don't hurt them.

If I ever loved someone, I would never let anything come before them. They would be my top priority, but if I've learned anything from this is that I abandoned Hyunjin when he needed me the most. Instead, someone else was there for him or was at a certain point, if I ever do end up getting my memory back, I don't know if I can recover from what I did.