I hate to admit

Broken. Damaged. Worthless.

After I ran from the hospital, I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going.

I had my own place, but I didn't really feel like going there, it doesn't feel right to me.

It's not home.

I however found myself back home...Minho's place, Felix's place.

The place was empty and looked as if no one had been living there for a while, I assume Felix spent most of his time with Changbin and well Minho apparently had been staying in a hotel for God knows how long.

I went upstairs and to my room which was empty...well mostly anyways. I went to Minho's room though, I opened the door and looked around and laid down on the bed.

I recalled the memories Minho and I shared.

I remembered our fights, our sweet moments and everything in between.

Tears started to form and then they rolled down my cheeks.

I guess I had it coming to me though huh.

He's different than before, losing his memory made him different. I know there wasn't going to be a happy ending, but this was something else.

I don't think we can be just friends; I may deserve every bit of it but not like this.

After the day I went back home, I was so lost I didn't know what to do and Leebit was trying to comfort me as much as he could.

I wasn't answering any calls or texts, or the door for that matter.

I know I had Jisung, Felix, and Chan at my door banging and shouting but I didn't reply. Even Changbin made an appearance.

Honestly, I don't think I could face anyone, especially Jisung.

They didn't give up though.

I was sitting on the floor in my living room when the door burst open, guess one of them found a way in.

"I was very persuasive." Jisung spoke.

Jisung shut the door behind him and came over to me.

"What the fuck are you doing!" Jisung shouted.

He picked up the little blade that was sitting on my coffee table and then he looked at me.

I turned my wrists up right, but there was nothing there.

I had thought about it so many times, just gliding the blade across my wrists and watching the blood drip down but I couldn't do it.

Fuck I had no excuse to do it, I had no reason to do it.

"Hyunjin." Jisung spoke softly sitting down next to me.

"I wasn't going to...it was just there." "It's not just there Hyunjin, you were obviously thinking about it." "And I'm sure the world would be a better place without me in it."

Jisung shouldn't even be here.

"Ji...you shouldn't be here; you'd hate me if-" "If I found out what happened with you and Chan?" Jisung chuckled.

He's fucking laughing.

"Chan told me Jinnie, I told him I didn't want to know what goes on between you, but he told me anyways. You're my good friend and I'm not going to get pissed about something like that even though it would be considered cheating. Call me dumb or naive, call me fucking stupid for all I care. Chan loves you; you still love him, and I love Chan. It's one big fucking mess but and we all have been through some shit. I'm sorry Minho doesn't remember the guy he fell in love with, but I'm sure-"

I cut him off.

"He says I'm damaged. I'm not his type. He would never date me. He says we can be friends." I sniffled.

I took the blade and held it in my hands, my hands were shaking but I so badly just wanted to feel something, feel the pain, make me lose my thoughts.

"I'm broken." I whispered.